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Bootnotes

Drive-thru drive-by at McDs after ice cream no-show, say cops

Man pulls out replica rifle after frosty treat disappointment

British Airways waves Bing dong: At least it's not a tech cockup

Wang wag's Croatian beach art highlighted... again

I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

SFW Johnson, get a load of this

Russia's answer to Buckminster Fuller has a buttload of CGI and he's not afraid to use it

Gyroscopic trams, bunkerbeds! Enter the 'dope' world of Dahir Semenov

Vaping ads flout EU rules, even if to promote healthier lifestyles

Comment Watchdog admits it's a legal minefield

Strip club selfie bloke's accidental discharge gets him 6 years in clink

Club Lust bathroom shootup in, you guessed it, Florida

The cheek of it! Beach bar owner shoots nude bather in the booty

Gerroff moi land!

Commentard Quizwall experiment ends with more quizzing than commenting

Is that one-liner worth it?

Internet addict sent to an anti-addiction boot camp is no longer an addict. Because he's dead

Chinese clinic staff cuffed after 18-year-old gets ultimate cure

Chap behind Godwin's law suspends his own rule for Charlottesville fascists: 'By all means, compare them to Nazis'

We did Nazi that coming

A storage giant wants to give you 46,763...

Terabytes? Flash drives? No, PDF pages. Price list SKUwered

Blighty’s beloved Big Ben bell ends, may break Brexit bargain

It must be true, the Daily Express said so

World's largest private submarine in mystery sink accident

Captain rescued but questions remain over passenger's whereabouts

Assange offers job to sacked Google diversity manifestbro

Censorship is for losers!

You had ONE job: Italian firefighters suspected of starting blazes for cash

That's just Sicily

Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

You can keep your artichoke and pineapple artisan pork pastries

Our day with Larry Page: Embedded with one of the world's richest men

Larry: I don't know about that

Trump as US president (in Sharknado 3)? Oh Hell No!

The Donald missed out on cameo in crap film franchise to run for White House – reports

Ofcom: Blighty has devolved into a nation of unwashed binge-streaming mole people

Folk neglecting work, chores, family to catch up on Thrones

RentBoy.com boss faces six months of hard time

Judge goes easy on bloke on web brothel rap, citing work with LGBTQ community

The Telegraph has killed Prince Philip

Online anyway

NEWSFLASH Now even science* says moneybags footballers are overpaid

Bewilderingly, algo-crafting boffins fail to reference Reg standards

Arcade Fire releases album on USB fidget spinner for £79/$105

Prank prompts 'vinyl sounds so much better than toys' debate

Nest security camera captures landlord's romp on tenants' bed

Including post-coital clean-up

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

Forget Brexit, lets use grease and dead things to heal a gaping political chasm

Bezos' bonkers bank of bucks beats big Bill's brilliant billionaire bundle

Updated President Broflake won't be happy about it

Valley VC sues blogger after sex pest claims, discovers writer is a male tech biz rival

'Whistleblower' IP address leads to dude a few miles away

US vending machine firm plans employee chip implant scheme

50 have supposedly signed up for this

Fan of FBI cosplay? Enjoy freaking out your neighbors? Have we got the eBay auction for you

Get this retired surveillance van for all your totally legitimate above-board activities

Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

The cringe is strong with this one

Burglary, robbery, kidnapping and a shoot-out over… a domain name?!

When transfers go really, really wrong, allegedly

Authorities go hard on coffee maker for stiff Viagra-powered brew

Is that a DIMM in your pocket or have you been at this banned bean again?

'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

Sir, what is your occupation? Um, what?

Breathless F-35 pilots to get oxygen boost via algorithm tweak

'OMG zillion-dollar jet is hackable' conspiracy theories in 3, 2, 1...

Stop all news – it's time for us plebs to be told about BBC paycheques!

Comment Sexism in the Telly Tax, sexism in pay deals... where else, Auntie?

Disneyland to become wretched hive of scum and villainy

These might be the Star Wars-themed hotel and rides you are looking for

Jodie Who-ttaker? The Doctor is in

Thirteen? Thirteen? The Doctor Who fans will see you now

Jesus walks away after 7,000lb pipe van incident

Local cops issue ticket afterwards

Truck spills slimy load all over Oregon road – drivers slip in eel slick

Korean 'delicacy' cakes cars

What can you do with adult VR, some bronze gears and a robotic thumb? On a Friday?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Well, it gets a prosthetic thumbs-up from me

'Help! I'm stuck in this ATM,' writes poor bloke on a scribbled note

Cops rescue trapped technician

Top tip for all you insider traders: Don't Google 'insider trading' from your work PC

Bloke accused of fraud may well be the Wolf of LOL Street

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