Analysis We translated Intel's crap attempt to spin its way out of CPU security bug PR nightmare As Linus Torvalds lets rip on Chipzilla 04 Jan 2018 | 217
Summary Meltdown, Spectre: The password theft bugs at the heart of Intel CPUs AMD, Arm also affected by data-leak design blunders, Chipzilla hit hardest 04 Jan 2018 | 252
OSes Linux Mint 18.3: A breath of fresh air? Well, it's a step into the unGNOME No bearded desktops with pointy hats to be seen here 04 Jan 2018 | 134
Analysis Cool disk drive actuator pillar, Seagate – how about two of them? Full platter access parallelism performance-doubling... we ask around 04 Jan 2018 | 39
OSes And we return to Munich's migration back to Windows – it's going to cost what now?! €100m! Why are you doing this? 04 Jan 2018 | 181
Bootnotes Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner Bristol man ordered to pay over £600 for data protection offence 04 Jan 2018 | 97
On-Prem Citrix hurls patent suit at network tiddler Avi, claims rival smeared NetScaler And expresses some anxiety about ex-staff leaving for upstart 04 Jan 2018 | 2
Bootnotes Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content They may take our lives, but they will never take our fizzy drink 04 Jan 2018 | 147
Security US Homeland Security breach compromised personal info of 200,000+ staff DHS 'fesses up 8 months after finding ex-staffer had copy of investigations database 04 Jan 2018 | 29
On-Prem Samsung topples Intel as semiconductor top dog, but lead 'literally built on sand' Sure about that? 04 Jan 2018 | 20
AI + ML Skynet it ain't: Deep learning will not evolve into true AI, says boffin Neural networks sort stuff – they can't reason or infer 04 Jan 2018 | 71
On-Prem Data centre mergers and acquisitions hit $20bn in 2017 feeding frenzy All-time high for industry 04 Jan 2018 | 3
Exclusive UK drone collision study didn't show airliner window penetration Full report obtained by El Reg casts doubt on public test conclusions 04 Jan 2018 | 116
SaaS Azure VMs borked following Meltdown patch, er, meltdown No ETA yet for West Europe machines 04 Jan 2018 | 33
Bootnotes Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn That'll show Putin who's boss! 04 Jan 2018 | 71
RotM If you won't use your brain our machine will use it for you, Nissan tells drivers 'Brain-to-Vehicle' driving tech wheeled out 04 Jan 2018 | 47
OSes Microsoft patches Windows to cool off Intel's Meltdown – wait, antivirus? Slow your roll Check your anti-malware tool unless you like BSoDs 04 Jan 2018 | 90
SaaS Amazon: Intel Meltdown patch will slow down your AWS EC2 server Sysadmins notice performance dip amid security fix rollout. Not everyone hit hard. YMMV etc 04 Jan 2018 | 56