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'Treat infosec fails like plane crashes' – but hopefully with less death and twisted metal

We never learn from incidents, says Europol security adviser

excel splash screenshot

A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel

Launched a million business plans, sank Lotus...

10 years of the Kindle and the curious incident of a dog in the day-time

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Feel the full weight of Jerusalem, base cur!

 builder installs window latch

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Episode 16 The numbers don't lie...

Piggy bank, image via Shutterstock

Munich council finds €49.3m for Windows 10 embrace

Open source dream officially dies in Bavarian city

Team Trump goes in to bat for Google and Facebook

What swamp?

Military test centre for frikkin' laser cannon opens in Hampshire

In other news, shares in mirror manufacturers have soared

UK spy court ruled immune from judicial review – for now

Judges reject Privacy International's case against Investigatory Powers Tribunal

Plans to thwack Official Secrets Acts smacked: Journo-gagging reform postponed

Why do we mention thrashing in the 'best schools'? Read on

Activist investor rages at Mellanox for dismissing Marvell's advances

Analysis Why won't you let us create value for shareholders?

Forget Sesame Street, scientists pretty much watched Big Bird evolve on Galápagos island

New finch species developed in just two generations

156K spam text-sending firm to ICO: It wasn't us, Commissioner

Get fined £45,000 anyway

Dark fibre arts: Ofcom is determined to open up BT's network

Analysis But will it make a difference?

Business as usual, says Aruba veep after Meg exits daddy HPE

Networking subsidiary insists everything is Just Fine

Seek 'passion' and tech skills will follow, say recruiting security chiefs

Infosec staffing needs a shot in the arm

Digital Entrepreneur Awards help UK tech cop an eyeful of... WTF?

The 1970s called, it wants its dancers back

UK emergency crews get 4G smartmobes as monkeys attempt to emerge from Reg's butt

Samsung inks deal to give crews up to 250k handsets

EU's data protection bods join the party to investigate Uber breach

UK.gov told to sever ties with 'grubby, unethical' company

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Episode 16 The numbers don't lie...

'Treat infosec fails like plane crashes' – but hopefully with less death and twisted metal

We never learn from incidents, says Europol security adviser

Another toothless wonder? Why the UK.gov's data ethics centre needs clout

Budget confirmed its creation, but where does it fit in?

A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel

Launched a million business plans, sank Lotus...

10 years of the Kindle and the curious incident of a dog in the day-time

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Feel the full weight of Jerusalem, base cur!

Munich council finds €49.3m for Windows 10 embrace

Open source dream officially dies in Bavarian city

Linus Torvalds on security: 'Do no harm, don't break users'

Fixing for the sake of security alone means 'all your work was just masturbation'

Fujitsu imagines adjusting your rear view mirror for better hearing

Yes, hearing: vibrating glass turns mirror into 'superdirective speaker'

Boss made dirt list of minions' mistakes, kept his own rampage off it

On-Call It was more of a RAM-page, actually, and it crashed a mainframe

SurfaceBook 2 battery drains even when plugged in

Microsoft's power pack can't deliver the juice fast enough to keep up

Firefox to warn users who visit p0wned sites

Do you really want to go there? And does Mozilla, which hasn't figured out how to do this and preserve security, privacy

VMware refuses to support its wares running in Azure

Who is Microsoft's mystery partner? We think it's a hyperconverged player

Summit for the readers who are hot for petaFLOPs: Server nodes flashed at SC17

Analysis Oak Ridge Top 500-leading system's innards

Clone poster girl Dolly the sheep's arthritis was 'normal for her age'

Boffins say health issues were not related to genetic wizardry

Royal Navy destroyer leaves Middle East due to propeller problems

For once it's not an engine breakdown

'Data is the new oil': F-Secure man on cartels, disinformation and IoT

An unlikely trio? Not according to Mikko Hypponen

Sci-Hub domains inactive following court order

'Free science'/pirate site operator 'working on solving DNS issue'

Someone told Google to nuke links to mean reviews of disgraced telco True Telecom

And Mountain View obliged

This is peak AI: Bot to guest edit Radio 4's Today programme

#F_AI_L How will you tell the difference?

Abolish the Telly Tax? Fat chance, say MPs at non-binding debate

125,000 people tried – and failed

Ed Vaizey is right, Matt Hancock hasn't improved broadband

Comment 'Hancock pinched all my ideas' jokes former digi minister

Remember the 'budget' iPhone SE? Apple plans an update – reports

Midget gem

Wizarding World of Harry Potter awaits Microsoft Office exam winners

Excel Exumai!

Continuous Lifecycle: Blind-bird tickets set to fly off for good

Events Just one week left to save £££

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

If I hear 'up to' one more time...

StorONE 're-invents' storage stack to set hardware free

Analysis After 6 years of work, 35 people in StorOne say storage industry's wrong

Stick to the script, kiddies: Some dos and don'ts for the workplace

Get your filthy, fallible hands out of filthy, fallible Github

'Water on Mars' re-classified as just 'sand on Mars'

Maybe very slightly damp sand, but new look at Martian gullies finds they look like dunes

Sorry 'strange physics' fans, IceCube finds the Standard Model stands

Video Boffins finds neutrinos sometimes collide with Earth instead of passing through

To fix Intel's firmware fiasco, wait for Christmas Eve or 2018

And cross your fingers: 'TBD' is the scheduled date for hundreds of PC fixes

Samba needs two patches, unless you're happy for SMB servers to dance for evildoers

Big Linux distros have pushed their fixes, but let's not assume everything auto-patches, OK?

Devs working to stop Go math error bugging crypto software

Programming language makes some fuzzy big numbers

Facebook notifications to reveal who saw dodgy Russian election ads

This may explain why you've craved Vlad Putin's borscht recipe since mid-2016

Xen Project's plan after AWS goes KVM: Talk up embedded future

UPDATE AWS changes its tune, multi-hypervisor plan is its future

FCC boss Ajit Pai emits his net neutrality extermination plan

Just in time for Thanksgiving when no one will notice

Aussie Catholic School forced into hasty cover-up over suggestive Saint

Off-shored statue offered a curious roll

Microsoft scoops Search UI out from the gaping black maw of Cortana

Hmmm. Looks familiar…

Apple quietly wheels out 'Voxelnet' driverless car tech paper

We'd ask them what it means, but, uh...

Permissionless data slurping: Why Google's latest bombshell matters

Comment Are you in control?

You're such a goober, Uber: UK regulators blast hushed breach

MP: Funny, you managed to contact customers when TfL put your licence on hold…

Budget 2017: How to make a downbeat forecast sound better. Say 'tech' a lot?

Trebling comp sci teachers, digi tax evaders clampdown

Ads watchdog to BT: We say your itsy bitsy, teeny weeny Ts&Cs too small for screeny

Broadband TV spot hid key details in hard-to-read text

Under par: HPE 3PAR US sales are limping

Comment Not so, er, Nimble in the area

Possible cut to British F-35 order considered before Parliament

MoD claims it's still committed but warns of 'uncertainty'

Peers told to push for cut-price access to med tech developed with NHS data

But for Pete's sake, don’t recommend another new body

Phone fatigue takes hold: SIM-onlys now top UK market

♫ "Boredom, boredom, boredom, b'dum b'dum" ♫

'Gimme Gimme Gimme' Easter egg in man breaks automated tests at 00:30

Wow, I see what you did there *rolls eyes*

Borat creator offers to cover mankini fines. Is nice!

Sacha Baron Cohen steps in after Czech tourists become butt of joke

London mayor: Self-driving cars? Not without jacked-up taxes, you don't!

And who will build the roads, asks Transport for London

Loake Shoes admits: We've fallen victim to cybercrims

Hold on to your laces, email server was compromised

Once more unto the breach: El Reg has a go at crisis management

And you can probably guess how that turned out

When it comes to ML, reports of JavaScript's death are exaggerated

Python is not the be-all and end-all of writing smart algorithms

'Urgent data corruption issue' destroys filesystems in Linux 4.14

Using bcache to speed Linux 4.14? Stop if you want your data to live

Crypto-jackers enlist Google Tag Manager to smuggle alt-coin miners

Ad giant has malware detection in its script-hosting service... but Coin Hive isn't flagged

Microsoft reprieves CodePlex users – you're doomed next week

Read-only doom-day slips, December axe still ohovers

HP Inc – the no-drama one – is actually doing fine with PCs, printers

Personal gear a more reliable moneymaker than servers. Who knew?

Apple: Sure, we banned VPN iOS apps in China, but, um, er, art!

iGiant didn't want to aid censorship, but $10bn in revenue is $10bn in revenue

Linus Torvalds 'sorry' for swearing, blames popularity of Linux itself

More than 20 pulls a day on his desk, v.4.15 bloating and a Thanksgiving trip to pack for made Linus testy

Iranian military hacker fingered for 'Game of p0wns' HBO leak

Dept. of Justice lamely says 'winter is coming' for Behzad Mesri, aka 'Skote Vahshat'

Microsoft to run VMware on Azure, on bare metal. Repeat. Microsoft to run VMware on Azure.

VMware-certified partners will help as Redmond also starts vSphere-to-Azure migrations

Microsoft says Win 8/10's weak randomisation is 'working as intended'

This bug is a feature in 11 out of 12 scenarios

Wait, did Oracle tip off world to Google's creepy always-on location tracking in Android?

Analysis War over Java spills into mobile privacy world

Uber: Hackers stole 57m passengers, drivers' info. We also bribed the thieves $100k to STFU

And it happened a year ago, hoped you wouldn't find out

HPE CEO Meg Whitman QUITS, MAN! Neri to replace chief exec in Feb

Stock tumbles, sales sag, profits wiped out, boss ejects

While you're preparing to carve Thanksgiving turkey, the FCC will be slicing into net neutrality

Analysis Pai will lay out plan this week, vote in December

Digital minister: We're still talking to BT about sorting crap broadband

Matt Hancock blissfully unaware that deal is on brink of collapse

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