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Attack of the possibly-Nazi clone parakeet invaders

Feathered global plague ALL come from one remote jungle area in South America

By Lewis Page, 13 May 2015

The various waves of invading parakeets currently sweeping the world are "genetically identical" and all come from a small remote region in Latin America, scientists say.

We are told:

The parakeets that have invaded Europe and North America over the last forty to fifty years, creating massive nests in many urban areas, seem to have originated from the same small geographical area in South America. In addition, the invasive populations are genetically identical ...

The monk parakeet (Myiopsitta monachus), also known as the quaker parrot, is considered one of the most invasive bird species on the whole planet ... feral populations started to become an invasive species in the US in the 1960s and in Europe in the 1980s.

However, these two independent populations seem to have originated from the same area of natural habitat, probably located between the south of Brazil (Río Grande do Sul), Argentina (Entre Ríos) and Uruguay, according to a study published in the journal Molecular Ecology...

We have to admit, here on the Register terrible-menaces-to-humanity desk, that we'd somehow managed to miss the parakeet invasions now sweeping the US and Europe with their horrifying genetically identical clone feral populations and massive nests eating our cities alive from within.

But a quick office poll revealed that here in London the parakeets are evidently poised to plunge their tiny, yet sharp, beaks into the jugular of humanity. Sample remarks from members of the team:

"Sometimes they wake me up ... the screaming"

"They sit on the lamp post across from my house" (this witness was reluctant to say more)

"They steal food from hard working British birds"

The scientific paper making these sensational revelations can be read here and a helpful press release here.

Nazis

Nobody has yet been ready to draw the obvious conclusion, but what we have here is a campaign for global domination carried out using cloned armies originating from a small remote region in Latin America. If that doesn't say "escaped Nazi scientist (possibly still alive via illegal transplants or as a brain in a bubbling jar)", we'd like to know what does.

The only remaining question is - will the world act in time? ®

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