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What to do when the users are watching Nazi dwarf smut at work?

Reg readers handle sticky situations with grace and wit

By Simon Sharwood, 10 May 2015

On-call (a bit NSFW) Welcome to On-call, our fortnightly look at readers' experiences when called off-site. In our last instalment, we recounted the tale of the reader who sprung a colleague pleasuring herself with cutlery. Which of course prompted readers to send tales about similar indiscretions.

Reader Nigel wrote to tell us of his experiences working at an advertising agency, when he “ ... was asked by one of the business owners to identify why there was an excessive bandwidth bill.

“After digging through the router logs and correlating the IP addresses to individual computers I went to him with my report. I explained that it was his constant browsing of transexual and midget porn sites that was blowing out the bandwidth allowance.

“Strangely enough, no more was said of the matter.”

In Nigel's previous gig, “ ... one of the employees ordered a subscription to a bestiality site using his work email.” But the worker was clearly over-excited because he put a typo in his email address, which meant the receipt for the subscription reached the head of IT's inbox, where all bounced mail ended up.

“The receipt and a photo of a kitten with the words 'Please don't hurt me!' were pinned to the outside of the culprit's door for all to see,” Nigel recalls.

Reader Damian once worked for a contractor at a very prominent UK government entity that has a lot to do with listing business.

Damian found himself asked to install a proxy server and to make sure traffic was logged, which he felt was not an unusual request when working for a government agency.

“Late one evening I was helping our system admin guy to do the Solstice install and config work and we were running tests from our computer room,” Damian recalls. “Me on one Sun box using Netscape, him on the other monitoring the traffic.”

“After a while he quietly asked why I was looking at porn relating to multiple happy men at a party (mostly) dressed in the style of a certain German dictator. After an even further silence we both realised that someone else must be in the offices still and using their computer.”

The pair decided to inspect their colleagues offices to make sure the threat came from within, so to speak.

The Big Boss's office was empty. As was the HR team's, the IT team's and the helpdesk.

The managing director's door was locked, but the chap was clearly inside because he said something to the effect of “Hang on a minute, I'll be right out!”

“That," Damian says, “was a keyboard that was not recycled!”

What's happened to you when you've been called out on a job? Get in touch and we'll make you the star of a future On-call. ®

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