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WekaIO pulls some Matrix kung fu on SPEC file system benchmark

Like a bat out of parallel...

F-35B Block 4 software upgrades will cost Britain £345m

After we leave the EU we could cover that in a week with change to spare ... allegedly

Hop hop hooray! Hop-free beer is here

Franken-beer will taste any way you want.... well, as long as it's hoppy

Diplomats, 'Net greybeards work to disarm USA, China and Russia’s cyber-weapons

Black Hat Asia Because when state attacks blow back, the taxpayers who paid to have them developed pay again

Five things you need to know about Microsoft's looming Windows 10 Spring Creators Update

Poll Yeah, it's an El Reg listicle. What of it?

Holy sweat! Wearables have THREE attack surfaces

Black Hat Asia The device, the app and the cloud, and your development lifecycle isn’t fit enough to catch up

We sent a vulture to find the relaunched Atari box – and all he got was this lousy baseball cap

GDC Things get surreal in suite 7088

AI software that can reproduce like a living thing? Yup, boffins have only gone and done it

Talk about telling your code to go screw itself

Fog off! No more misty eyes for self-driving cars, declare MIT boffins

Auto autos prevented from being blinded by the elements – using the power of statistics

Internet Society: Cryptocurrency probably not an identity system

ID on a blockchain? Maybe. ID on Bitcoin? Forget it

Colt, Verizon show off inter-carrier SDN

Care for some extra bandwidth? Just turn the knob

Everybody loves Microsoft's open switch software, SONiC

ROUNDUP Plus news from F5, Palo Alto and Dell EMC in your networking news capsule

What ends with X and won't sue security researchers?

Netflix lures bounty-hunters, Dropbox offers vulnerability research safe harbour

VMware’s end-user compute kit buffed with 2018’s tick-box options

Proactive fault-finding? Yup. Security alliance? Yup. CX checks? Yup. And an eloquent little licence change, too

US Senate green-lights controversial anti-sex-trafficking law amid warnings of power grab

SESTA passes – but could do more harm than good

That long-awaited Mark Zuckerberg response: Everything's fine! Mostly fixed! Facebook's great! All good in the hoodie!

The sound of stable door shutting years too late

Magic Leap bounds into SF's Games Developer Conference and... disappears

GDC Our intrepid reporter tries to track down mystery tech

Facebook opens up Big Basin Volta plans to share the server wealth

AI hardware plans up for grabs

Google gives its $1m Turing prize to, er, top Google bods: RISC men Hennessy, Patterson

Silicon Valley boffins bag Nobel Prize of computer science

US mulls drafting gray-haired hackers during times of crisis

Shortage of tech talent has government pondering end to age, gender restrictions

SAP: Psst. Use our predictive analytics in your apps – you won't even know we're there

No-name brand software to help push Leonardo toolkit

IBM claims its machine learning library is 46x faster than TensorFlow

Analysis Big Blue claims POWER9 kit with beastly GPUs gives Google Cloud a thrashing

2 + 2 = 4, er, 4.1, no, 4.3... Nvidia's Titan V GPUs spit out 'wrong answers' in scientific simulations

Fine for gaming, not so much for modeling, it is claimed

Seagate's HAMR to drop in 2020: Multi-actuator disk drives on the way

Fast and slow high-cap disk lines coming

Programming languages can be hard to grasp for non-English speakers. Step forward, Bato: A Ruby port for Filipinos

Project hopes to bring dev skills to developing nation

UK surgeon suspects his PC was hacked to target Syrian hospital

Not the only possible theory, say infosec types

Symantec cert holdout sites told: Those Google Chrome warnings are not a good look

Users will stop trusting you, warns researcher

HPE burns offering to Apollo 6500, unleashes cranked deep learning server on world+dog

Faster GPUs, more FLOPS

Oh bucket! Unpack the suitcases. TRAPPIST-1 planets too wet to support life

System may be full of waterworlds, boffins find

Brit MPs chide You're acting like EU data adequacy prep is easy

It's not. ♫ It's beginning to sound a lot like Brexit ♪

Three's a cloud: Toshiba picks its NVMe over Fabrics storage node

Kumoscale software presents fabric access NVMe flash drives virtually

Seen from spaaaaace: Boffins check world's oceans for plastic

There's plenty of fish in... Oh

None of my flash rivals NVMe: Analyst spills tea on who's who in fabric-access NVMe arrays

Array types, riders and runners

Fancy a viaduct? We have a wrought Victorian iron marvel to sell you

Geek's Guide to Britain Myth, legend and the lucky escape of Bennerley

No, Sierra Leone did not just run the world's first 'blockchain election'

Blockchain voting outfit ran its own count, but only as an observer

ESA's Ariel mission will boldly spot exoplanets not seen before

The meter-long telescope expected to launch in 2028

Telegram still won't hand over crypto keys it says it does not store

Russian judge upholds 2016 FSB order, company will appeal

Creaking Chromebooks getting Meltdown protection soon

Chrome OS 66 to protect older Intel units, still working on ARM

Salesforce saddles itself with MuleSoft for $6.5bn

Prepare for 'deep customer experiences throughout a personalized 1:1 journey’

Cambridge Analytica CEO suspended – and that's not even the worst news for them today

Facebook isn't having a very good time either

CTS who? AMD brushes off chipset security bugs with firmware patches

Just give it a few weeks notice next time, not 24 hours

Now that's a bad trip: 880k credit cards 'likely' stolen by Orbitz hackers

And bad news for healthy types: thoroughly pwned, too

Cluster-f*ck! Etcd DBs spaff passwords, cloud keys to world by default

Devs told to take responsibility by setting up authentication

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