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BoJo, don't misuse stats then blurt disclaimers when you get rumbled

Norgrove was right: post-Brexit gross £350m a week? Nope

Black screen of death after Win10 update? Microsoft blames HP

OEM factory images create 'incorrect registry keys'

What's that, Equifax? Most people expect to be notified of a breach within hours?

Go on, you're the breach expert

Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers

Stob Lest we forget

Why being 'boring' is a university AI spinout's route to success

DeepMind doesn't stoop, you still conquer

European Commission proposes more powers for EU's infosec agency

Cross-border cybersecurity certification scheme planned

Samsung's Galaxy Note 8 is hot, but not much more than the S8+

FIRST FONDLE It's stylish, but the stylus doesn't add a lot

Google's data hoarding is like homeopathy. It doesn't work – study

Boffins find search quality unaffected no matter how much information web giant amasses

IBM packs 120TB into a carry-on bag, for snow-balling cloud uploads

Whither the rapid file transfer app Aspera that Big Blue acquired in 2014?

Pirate Bay digs itself a new hole: Mining alt-coin in slurper browsers

Would you trade your CPU time and electricity bill for pirated content?

Google India launches payment service that sends money as SOUND

'Tez' targets India, where cash is now a dirty word, will soon hit other emerging economies

Oracle softly increments SPARC M7 to M8, then whispers: We'll still love you, Solaris, to 2034

And possibly beyond

What do you call an all-in-one PC that isn't? 'Upgradeable', says HP

Screens-on-a-stalk and replaceable HDD and RAM may not a revolution make

AWS can now bill us if you read this far. This bit will cost us, too

Servers-by-the-second is now a thing, but you pay for the whole first minute!

Sexploitation gang thrown in clink for 171 years after 'hunting' kids online and luring them in front of webcams

Youngsters tricked into performing sex acts for pervs

Someone checked and, yup, you can still hijack Gmail, Bitcoin wallets etc via dirty SS7 tricks

Two-factor authentication by SMS? More like SOS

NASA Earthonauts emerge from eight-month isolation in simulated Mars visit

Video 'Hang on, Trump has done what??!?'

Bloke fesses up: I forged judge's signature to strip stuff from Google search

Jewelry exec faces up to five years in the clink for SEO backfire

Microsoft's AI is so good it steered Renault into bottom of the F1 league

Does someone need to take the handbrake off this thing?

RIP Stanislav Petrov: Russian colonel who saved world from all-out nuclear war

Obit Quiet hero dies at 77

DRM now a formal Web recommendation after protest vote fails

W3C lays out the case for anti-piracy, anti-copying defenses

Bank for central banks admits decentralised cryptocurrencies are a pretty good idea

'Fact that they're even talking about it is quite significant'

Grab your popcorn: The first annual Privacy Shield review is go

Trump administration’s views on privacy to come under scrutiny

Cisco's John Chambers to quit as exec chair

Southern belle to fly off into the sunset on the back of a drone

Outlook.com looking more like an outage outbreak for Europe

Soothe your boobs, Microsoft is, er, on the case

Jon Hamm of Mad Men to lend his lungs to bounty hunter Boba Fett

In audiobook form at least

A todger, a 2.5kg dumbbell, the fire brigade... and the inevitable angle grinder

German joins growing list of blokes saved by a saw

Apocalypse now: Ad biz cries foul over Apple's great AI cookie purge

It'll break the internet, cries Madison Ave

Downloaded CCleaner lately? Oo, awks... it was stuffed with malware

OK, OK, well the 2.27 million victims were not Reg readers

TfL hackathon showed data can keep transport running and people safe

Sponsored Analytics is about the journey AND destination

Brit ministers jet off on a trade mission to tout our digital exports...

...We import two-thirds of our digital. That! is! a! disgrace!

Sure, HoloLens is cute, but Ford was making VR work before it was cool

Interview Elizabeth Baron found genuine use for virtual reality in the design process

Microsoft Office 365 Exchange issues for users across Europe

Updated Expect problems and delays

The developers vs enterprise architects showdown: You shall know us by our trail of diagrams

Old McDonald had a server farm, EA, EA, Oh!

New HMRC IT boss to 'recuse' herself over Microsoft decisions

Exclusive UK taxman's CDIO Jacky Wright currently on 'sabbatical'

DXC Technologies mails another corp message (GULP)

No, not redundos or cost cutting... bonuses for the 'top performing' little people

Veritas considers 'restructuring' another two offices, with 350+ pink slips possible

Plans hiring too, but the 'We closed Sydney because of real estate costs' line looks thin

WordPress has adverse reaction to Facebook's React.js licence

Automattic is willing to delay an update and rewrite code if it means legal certainty

Microsoft teases web-based Windows Server management console

Project 'Honolulu' gives some PowerShell-only jobs a GUI and hyperconverges Windows

Noise-canceling headphones with a DO NOT DISTURB light can't silence your critics

Ears-on test Jabra's Evolve 80 will hush your office, but the red warning ring is mere bling

Linux 4.14 'getting very core new functionality' says Linus Torvalds

Memory management wonks, this release is for you. And also you Hyper-V admins

VMworld schwag heist CCTV didn't work and casino wouldn't share it

Disappearance of anti-Nutanix buttons becomes 'happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas' thing

Equifax's IT leaders 'retire' as company says it knew about the bug that brought it down

Company tried to find and patch vulnerable systems, but we know what happened next

The architecture for sharing tokens across blockchains promises traction

After lightning fundraising round, Cosmos puts Ethereum high on dev roadmap

Portland posts full report on Uber's dirty dealings with Greyball

No further penalties for ride-sharing giant, however

Senators call for '9/11-style' commission on computer voting security

Horse, meet stable door

Fancy that! Craft which float over everything on a cushion of air

Geeks' Guide to Britain A hidden British engineering gem: The Hovercraft Museum

Mad scientist zaps himself to determine the power of electric eel shocks

Electrophorus electricus is not something to be messed with

Google sued by Gab over Play Store booting

'Free speech' Twitter alternative alleges antitrust foul

China orders immediate shuttering of Bitcoin exchanges

And *clunk* – cryptocurrency value drops 20 per cent

Google to kill Chrome autoplay madness

Sorta, kinda, well not really

EU's tech giant tax plan moves forward

All options on the table, and Apple, Facebook, Google ain't gonna like any of 'em

Equifax UK admits: 400,000 Brits caught up in mega-breach

UK dedicated systems not affected

Sprint CEO straight out accuses Verizon counterpart of LYING

IN ALL CAPS, no less

Pretend Python packages prey on poor typing

Typosquatting attack hits the PyPI registry

HP users moaning over 10-minute login lag during 'Win 10 update'

Like watching a black screen dry (literally)

Equifax mega-breach: Security bod flags header config conflict

Help wanted at Equifax. Badly

Essential's Rubin coy on mysterious Plan to Take Over the Universe

One home at a time

Just how are HMRC’s IT systems going to cope with Brexit?

Answers on a postcard, please

Dell EMC president David Goulden quits

Two months after the biz told El Reg, 'no, no, David Goulden is going nowhere'.

Red Hat beer and burger box brouhaha: Would a pint help you wash down the containers?

Update Lures thirsty reporters to watch webinar

DoJ: Look! Google is giving up overseas data for warrants outside Second Circuit

Updated Go on, Supremes, have another look at that Microsoft ruling, wouldya?

Why the Apple Watch with LTE means a very Apple-y sort of freedom

Caveat emptor: It's not what you think

Show your intelligence – snap up an MCubed ticket now

Doors open in three weeks for AI and ML extravaganza

ICO whacks Welsh biz with £350k fine for 150 MEEELLION nuisance calls

Not that data watchdog expects to get that money paid

UK attorney general plans crackdown on 'trial by social media'

Oi: Less contempt of court on Facebook and Twitter, says gov law bloke

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

Episode 11 BOFH helps promote his company's 'Story' (if promote = bag of quicklime)

HPE slices and dices globo org chart

Waves off another exec in the name of progress

NCC hires three Bank of England cyber experts to beef up assurance business

Intros CENTA - that new money smell

Rise Of the Tiny Machines: Boffins cook up autonomous DNA sorting robot

ROTM It's coming for your jobs, very, very slowly

Farewell Cassini! NASA's Saturnian spacecraft waves goodbye for its Grand Finale

But the mission is far from over, say scientists

'All-screen display'? But surely every display is all-screen... or is a screen not a display?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Sounds like a good idea but looks can be deceptive

Video nasty lets VMware guests run code on hosts

It's 2017 and SVGA device can p0wn enterprise software. Sigh

Tech biz must be more export-focused, says defence kit minister

DSEI 2017 We like your startups – now help post-Brexit UK and start selling abroad

Facebook let advertisers target 'Jew-haters'

You are our product, says The Social Network™, and we productised your racism

User worked with wrong app for two weeks, then complained to IT that data had gone missing

ON-CALL Lock down your UIs, developers – customisation can confuse cretins

Boffin wins (Ig) Nobel prize asking if cats can be liquid

Why people hate cheese and speaker worn in the vagina also score 'make you laugh, then make you think' awards

AWS users felt a great disturbance in the cloud, as S3 cried out in terror

S3izure made things tricky for an hour, but was no apocalypS3 to match March mess

Veritas shrinks Sydney office, slashes 60-something support staff

Jobs look to be on their way to India

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