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Stick to the script, kiddies: Some dos and don'ts for the workplace

Get your filthy, fallible hands out of filthy, fallible Github

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

If I hear 'up to' one more time...

To fix Intel's firmware fiasco, wait for Christmas Eve or 2018

And cross your fingers: 'TBD' is the scheduled date for hundreds of PC fixes

Crypto-jackers enlist Google Tag Manager to smuggle alt-coin miners

Ad giant has malware detection in its script-hosting service... but Coin Hive isn't flagged

Trimming hedges

FCC boss Ajit Pai emits his net neutrality extermination plan

Just in time for Thanksgiving when no one will notice

Abolish the Telly Tax? Fat chance, say MPs at non-binding debate

125,000 people tried – and failed

Ed Vaizey is right, Matt Hancock hasn't improved broadband

Comment 'Hancock pinched all my ideas' jokes former digi minister

Remember the 'budget' iPhone SE? Apple plans an update - reports

Midget gem

Wizarding World of Harry Potter awaits Microsoft Office exam winners

Excel Exumai!

Continuous Lifecycle: Blind-bird tickets set to fly off for good

Events Just one week left to save £££

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

If I hear 'up to' one more time...

StorONE 're-invents' storage stack to set hardware free

Analysis After 6 years of work, 35 people in StorOne say storage industry's wrong

Stick to the script, kiddies: Some dos and don'ts for the workplace

Get your filthy, fallible hands out of filthy, fallible Github

'Water on Mars' re-classified as just 'sand on Mars'

Maybe very slightly damp sand, but new look at Martian gullies finds they look like dunes

Sorry 'strange physics' fans, IceCube finds the Standard Model stands

Video Boffins finds neutrinos sometimes collide with Earth instead of passing through

To fix Intel's firmware fiasco, wait for Christmas Eve or 2018

And cross your fingers: 'TBD' is the scheduled date for hundreds of PC fixes

Samba needs two patches, unless you're happy for SMB servers to dance for evildoers

Big Linux distros have pushed their fixes, but let's not assume everything auto-patches, OK?

Devs working to stop Go math error bugging crypto software

Programming language makes some fuzzy big numbers

Facebook notifications to reveal who saw dodgy Russian election ads

This may explain why you've craved Vlad Putin's borscht recipe since mid-2016

Xen Project's plan after AWS goes KVM: Talk up embedded future

AWS explains itself to project Board, keeps its revelations off the record

FCC boss Ajit Pai emits his net neutrality extermination plan

Just in time for Thanksgiving when no one will notice

Aussie Catholic School forced into hasty cover-up over suggestive Saint

Off-shored statue offered a curious roll

Microsoft scoops Search UI out from the gaping black maw of Cortana

Hmmm. Looks familiar…

Apple quietly wheels out 'Voxelnet' driverless car tech paper

We'd ask them what it means, but, uh...

Permissionless data slurping: Why Google's latest bombshell matters

Comment Are you in control?

You're such a goober, Uber: UK regulators blast hushed breach

MP: Funny, you managed to contact customers when TfL put your licence on hold…

Budget 2017: How to make a downbeat forecast sound better. Say 'tech' a lot?

Trebling comp sci teachers, digi tax evaders clampdown

Ads watchdog to BT: We say your itsy bitsy, teeny weeny Ts&Cs too small for screeny

Broadband TV spot hid key details in hard-to-read text

Under par: HPE 3PAR US sales are limping

Comment Not so, er, Nimble in the area

Possible cut to British F-35 order considered before Parliament

MoD claims it's still committed but warns of 'uncertainty'

Peers told to push for cut-price access to med tech developed with NHS data

But for Pete's sake, don’t recommend another new body

Phone fatigue takes hold: SIM-onlys now top UK market

♫ "Boredom, boredom, boredom, b'dum b'dum" ♫

'Gimme Gimme Gimme' Easter egg in man breaks automated tests at 00:30

Wow, I see what you did there *rolls eyes*

Borat creator offers to cover mankini fines. Is nice!

Sacha Baron Cohen steps in after Czech tourists become butt of joke

London mayor: Self-driving cars? Not without jacked-up taxes, you don't!

And who will build the roads, asks Transport for London

Loake Shoes admits: We've fallen victim to cybercrims

Hold on to your laces, email server was compromised

Once more unto the breach: El Reg has a go at crisis management

And you can probably guess how that turned out

When it comes to ML, reports of JavaScript's death are exaggerated

Python is not the be-all and end-all of writing smart algorithms

'Urgent data corruption issue' destroys filesystems in Linux 4.14

Using bcache to speed Linux 4.14? Stop if you want your data to live

Crypto-jackers enlist Google Tag Manager to smuggle alt-coin miners

Ad giant has malware detection in its script-hosting service... but Coin Hive isn't flagged

Microsoft reprieves CodePlex users – you're doomed next week

Read-only doom-day slips, December axe still ohovers

HP Inc – the no-drama one – is actually doing fine with PCs, printers

Personal gear a more reliable moneymaker than servers. Who knew?

Apple: Sure, we banned VPN iOS apps in China, but, um, er, art!

iGiant didn't want to aid censorship, but $10bn in revenue is $10bn in revenue

Linus Torvalds 'sorry' for swearing, blames popularity of Linux itself

More than 20 pulls a day on his desk, v.4.15 bloating and a Thanksgiving trip to pack for made Linus testy

Iranian military hacker fingered for 'Game of p0wns' HBO leak

Dept. of Justice lamely says 'winter is coming' for Behzad Mesri, aka 'Skote Vahshat'

Microsoft to run VMware on Azure, on bare metal. Repeat. Microsoft to run VMware on Azure.

VMware-certified partners will help as Redmond also starts vSphere-to-Azure migrations

Microsoft says Win 8/10's weak randomisation is 'working as intended'

This bug is a feature in 11 out of 12 scenarios

Wait, did Oracle tip off world to Google's creepy always-on location tracking in Android?

Analysis War over Java spills into mobile privacy world

Uber: Hackers stole 57m passengers, drivers' info. We also bribed the thieves $100k to STFU

And it happened a year ago, hoped you wouldn't find out

HPE CEO Meg Whitman QUITS, MAN! Neri to replace chief exec in Feb

Stock tumbles, sales sag, profits wiped out, boss ejects

While you're preparing to carve Thanksgiving turkey, the FCC will be slicing into net neutrality

Analysis Pai will lay out plan this week, vote in December

Digital minister: We're still talking to BT about sorting crap broadband

Matt Hancock blissfully unaware that deal is on brink of collapse

As Google clamps down, 'Droid developer warns 'breaking day' is coming

The Chocolate Factory plugs accessibility fudge

Arm Inside: Is Apple ready for the next big switch?

The hybrid Arm-Intel Mac draws near

Level 5 driverless cars by 2021 can be done, say Brit industry folk

Others reckon Chancellor's taking it a bit too far...

HPE straps AMD chip into 2P/2U server box with Epyc results

DL385 blasts SPEC benchmark

Don't sweat Brexit, big biz told: Your shiny data protection sticker will remain intact

Survey reveals GDPR training and investment is on the rise

National Cyber Security Centre boss: For the love of $DEITY, use 2FA on your emails, peeps

Brit biz bosses, improve your infosec. We'll handle Russia

Gulp. HPE's InfoSight self-repairs and makes 'proactive decisions'

Machine-learning engine stapled to 3PAR arrays

SagePay's monster wobble... On the third day of sale week, UK retailers start to weep

Black Friday week? Is that a thing? Er, not for all retailers

Royal Bank of Scotland website goes TITSUP*

Updated Another day, another online banking snafu

Baaa-d moooo-ve: Debian Linux depicts intimate cow-sheep action in ASCII artwork

User files bug report on age-old package

Iran the numbers – and Persian internet is the cheapest in the world

Burkina Faso the most expensive, UK in top third cheapest

CEO: 'Claying the ongoing continuous chaos of info into one logical masterpiece'

Yeah? Us neither. Here's another 'anchored benchmark' of a storage round-up

Twitter's blue tick rule changes may lower the sueball barrier

Comment Got a few quid and want to launch a lawsuit? Now is a good time

First XPoint, then Z-NAND: Oh dear, server-makers. SCM is happening

Analysis Storage-class memory Nirvana 1.0 could be a 2019 event, says our man

Back to the Fuchsia: The next 10 years of Android

Part Two Beyond world domination

Bitcoin outfit 'Tether' reveals US$31m BitBuck BitHeist

Company badly forked up after promising secure 'stable digital currency equivalent'

From Vega with love: Pegasus interstellar asteroid's next stop

Out-of-shape ‘Oumuamua only looks like a starship, right?

Patch on way 'this week' for HP printer vulns

Updated RCE? Check. Clear passwords? Check. Interfere with print jobs? Check

Flash, Sam, wallop: Samsung crashes ahead as top NAND chip flinger

According to these here estimates, anyway

AT&T wants to bin 100,000 routers, replace them with white boxes

Carrier tries to speed networking innovation with 'Disaggregated Network Operating System'

Marvell and Cavium do the deed, vow to breed infra-monster

Six billion bucks does the trick, now let's see what kind of kit they build together

More than half of GitHub is duplicate code, researchers find

Boffins beware: random samples are therefore useless for research

Microsoft's memory randomization security defense is a little busted in Windows 8, 10

RIP ROP? Think again

Amazon launches Secret Region – so secret it's endorsed by the CIA

The rest of us just get a 0.04% improvement in EC2 reliability, to a guaranteed 99.99%

AT&T insists it's not sweating US govt block of Time-Warner gobble

'We don't care, in fact look at this letter about how little we care. Really. Please look at it'

Intel finds critical holes in secret Management Engine hidden in tons of desktop, server chipsets

Bugs can be exploited to extract info, potentially insert rootkits

Cops jam a warrant into Apple to make it cough up Texas mass killer's iPhone, iCloud files

Here we go again…

Uber slapped with $9m fine for letting dodgy drivers pick up punters

Super Cali goes – oh no, wait, this is Colorado

Open-source defenders turn on each other in 'bizarre' trademark fight sparked by GPL fall out

Special report Tempest in a teapot scalds FOSS world

It was El Reg wot won it: Bing banishes bogus Brit bank banner ad

Link to fake TSB site canned after we help raise alarm

Germany slaps ban on kids' smartwatches for being 'secret spyware'

Hands up, whose parents are listening in on this class?

UK.gov to chuck an extra £2.3bn at R&D ahead of Budget

No. 10 promises billions (in a few years), doesn't address Horizon 2020

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