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EU ministers look to tighten up privacy – JUST KIDDING – surveillance laws

No phone taps on WhatsApp is whack, moan spymasters

FACEPALM

Google broke its own cloud by doing two updates at once

Right hand, meet left hand. Then both do a facepalm

Hacked hookup site Ashley Madison's security was laughable

Canadian and Australian privacy watchdogs bite, hard

Privacy advocates rail against US Homeland Security's Twitter, Facebook snooping

Coalition sends letter complaining about 'highly invasive' proposal

If you want to build your own Nvidia-powered self-driving car – or hack one – here's a blueprint

Hot Chips 'Parker' robo-ride processor design revealed

Citrix frees NetScaler CPX

VMware reveals vulns

Pinterest buys Instapaper

Oracle reveals Java Applet API deprecation plan

Big Red nods to plugin-hostile browser-makers, outlines proper Applet pension plan

Nuclear fallout shelter becomes cloud storage bunker

Cold war relic beneath Paris now houses cold storage at €0.002/GB/Month

Microsoft drops OMI for Linux to GitHub

Management for Penguin-powered things, phones, and other skinny stuff

Breaker, breaker: LTE is coming to America's CB radio frequencies

Big names launch CBRS Alliance. Think of it as truckers-versus-tech

NIST spins atomic gyroscope to allow navigation without GPS

Wait, there's more: it's also an accelerometer

Intel douses Wildfire ransomware as-a-service Euro menace

Group scored $79k a month with infect-o-tronic rent-a-bot

Equation Group exploit hits newer Cisco ASA, Juniper Netscreen

NSA cache dump keeps patches pumping

Google broke its own cloud by doing two updates at once

Right hand, meet left hand. Then both do a facepalm

Boffins design security chip to spot hidden hardware trojans in processors

When fabs go rogue

Hacked hookup site Ashley Madison's security was laughable

Canadian and Australian privacy watchdogs bite, hard

North Korea unveils its home-grown Netflix rival – Manbang

Needs work on the branding

Tesla touts battery that turns a Model S into 'third fastest ever' car

Hint: You'll need $120,000

If you want to build your own Nvidia-powered self-driving car – or hack one – here's a blueprint

Hot Chips 'Parker' robo-ride processor design revealed

Privacy advocates rail against US Homeland Security's Twitter, Facebook snooping

Coalition sends letter complaining about 'highly invasive' proposal

Corbyn lied, Virgin Trains lied, Harambe died

Video Workers of the world, you have nothing to lose but your train seats

Blizzard blighted by another DDoS storm

Someone likes fragging servers

Syncsort inhales Cogito, ergo Big Data and Big Iron can be friends

Bridging the gap with Brit software biz gobble

EU ministers look to tighten up privacy – JUST KIDDING – surveillance laws

No phone taps on WhatsApp is whack, moan spymasters

Simplivity delivers storage quadruplets: Meet all-flashery and better DR

And app-aware SQL Server backup, double VDI count

Microsoft, Lenovo cross-licensing love-in: Android mobes knocked up with... Office apps

Locked and loaded baby

DCIG mid-market array guide: Why we left those companies out

Analysis Three levels of in and out filtering used to produce buyers' list

NASA tried turning lost spacecraft STEREO-B off and on again... but it didn't work. True story

But Deep Space Network brought her back online

Ireland's govt IT: Recession and job cuts forced us to adapt

The road from 2008 bust, bailout and 'no new staff'

The TPC-C/SPC-1 storage benchmarks are screwed. You know what we need?

Another benchm... WAIT! I mean a workable, realistic...

Data-viz biz Tableau Software brings ex-AWS exec to the table

Hopes for tasty earnings as it dines out on share spike

Beardy Ed Vaizey: 'I can't let go. I like the tech sector'

Interview Wants to see a department for digital. Good luck with that

Think you’re a trailblazer in tech? Prove it

Promo ... by entering the Tech Trailblazer awards...

Ovation claps together private cloud storage service with HGST, Versity basis

Entertaining archival store for media and oil-slinging types

Kaspersky launches its own OS on Russian routers

Four-year build results in OS that aims to secure industrial control systems, мы думаем

Mozilla's trying on seven hot new spring/summer logo looks

LOGOWATCH Poll Seven new logo candidates run from Monsters Inc to completely mad

'NSA' hack okshun woz writ by Inglish speeker trieing to hyde

Linguist says perps of zero day dump wanted to pose as gramatically-incorrect aliens

Crims share vulns but vendors don't. This needs fixing

Interview Centrify's strategy man says attack re-use is an opportunity for better security

Cisco's upsell plan: tell you your old kit is not as secure as its new kit

Sales conference leaks also hint at mightier UCS and new customer portal

Google to block web views from using its OAuth

Deprecation starts in October

Epic Games forums breached, salted passwords nabbed

Unreal Engine chathaus had unbelievably bad security

Software-defined networking is dangerously sniffable

'Know Your Enemy' scheme uses switch flow tables to design attacks

Microsoft's maps lost Melbourne because it used bad Wikipedia data

Bing Maps relies on Wikipedia? Even a bit? Umm, guys, you do know anyone can edit it?

Fujitsu: Why we chose 64-bit ARM over SPARC for our exascale super

Hot Chips Clue: When was the last time you heard nice things about SPARC Linux?

Your wget is broken and should DIE, dev tells Microsoft

PowerShell applause sours as curl dev doesn't care much for Redmond's alias either

Indian techies told to prepare for tax sprint

Banks, government given 30th September deadline for tax announced three weeks ago

Californian gets 50 months in prison for Chinese 'technology spy' work

Apparent jet and drone export plot foiled

Microsoft's HoloLens secret sauce: A 28nm customized 24-core DSP engine built by TSMC

Hot Chips How to make your own virtual reality brain

Chocolate Factory exudes Nougat as Android 7 begins rollout

Newer Nexus owners get it first, the rest will have to wait

Maxta goes Freemium and enlarges VP count with new hires

Full-featured software comes with no support, and node count and capacity restrictions

'Neural network' spotted deep inside Samsung's Galaxy S7 silicon brain

Hot Chips Secrets of Exynos M1 cores spilled

Sharp's new CEO warns of job losses amid 'optimization'

New guy bows to FoxConn demands

Gaze in awe at Elon Musk’s historic 156-foot erection

First retrieved Falcon 9 goes on permanent display

Das ist empörend: Microsoft slams umlaut for email depth charge

Germans a little verärgert at Outlook bug

Software exploits overrated - it's the humans you need to be watching

Video Dumb passwords and phishing the main threats

Actifio adds replication tool to its data copy Swiss army knife

Everyone has to be everything these days

Microsoft buys Genee's lamp, tips it into Office 365, smashes lamp

Email AI assistant will close by next month

Irish Olympics' officials digital devices seized in Rio

Phones and laptops taken amid Games' tickets investigation

Honor 8: Huawei targets millennials with high-spec cheapie. 3 words – Food pic mode

Hands on $400 gets you a pretty good smartphone

Former RN flagship HMS Illustrious to be sold for scrap – report

Efforts to preserve aircraft carrier for the nation failed

Four in five Android devices inherit Linux snooping flaw

TCP exploit lets hackers get at your plaintext web traffic

HPE sharpens knife for next salami-slicing staff redundo round

This time 220 staffers face chop in Blighty

Sex ban IT man loses appeal – but judge labels order 'unpoliceable'

+Comment And still no criminal conviction in sight

Microsoft's kinder, gentler collaboration war: Evernote, you're first

It's all fun and games till a little wizard appears

Backup biz Arcserve: Private equity... there's nothing like it

Don't worry CA Technologies – we're being looked after

London cops hunt for drone pilots who tried dropping drugs into jail

One quadcopter was stopped in mid-air

Is security keeping pace with continuous delivery?

Broadcast Deliver a development process as secure as it is dynamic

Swiss firm shrugs in defeat as Avnet preps to swallow Premier Farnell

Raspberry Pi flogger to be flogged to apple-pie loving nationals

Paper mountain, hidden Brexit: How'd you say immigration control would work?

Never gonna give EU up, never gonna let you down... er

LTE-U’s window is closing and bigger 5G disputes may be coming

Verizon and Qualcomm slam Wi-Fi Alliance’s proposed test framework

UK.gov depts in post-Mad Frankie Maude landgrab over IT spending controls

Analysis Cat departs, mice start giant bunfight

German minister seeks facial recognition at airports, train stations

Backpack ban for Oktoberfest beer bash

Little ARMs pump 2,048-bit muscles in training for Fujitsu's Post-K exascale mega-brain

Hot Chips NEON is so 80s, er, 90s, no, 2000s, wait, 2010s

Google killing app format used only by The 1%

'Chrome packaged apps' to be snuffed, except on Chrome OS

Beauty site lets anyone read customers' personal information

Strawberrynet says it's convenient for customers, security chaps say it's stupidly convenient for crims

Five-storey Blue Screen Of Death spotted in Thailand

Where have you seen Windows #fail? And at what scale? Send them in, readers

I got the power – over your IoT power-point

It never gets better, does it?

IOActive turns up the most SOHOpeless router so far

Pwnable any way you like

Systemd adds filesystem mount tool

Linux mount gets a systemd wrapper

Mechanical Phish auto-exploit auto-patch kit lands on GitHub

Vuln-hunting robot ready to roam the world

NASA wants to sell International Space Station to private enterprise

For sale: Space station, several owners, billions of miles travelled

Radio astronomy pioneer dies at 92

Vale Owen Bruce Slee, who helped our universe expand

OpenFlow controller design killing SDN, say network boffins

Packet serialisation means processors waste up 20 per cent of their time

MacPorts project leaving Apple’s OS Forge

Cupertino's project hosting enters the long dark tea-time of the soul

Microsoft can't tell North from South on Bing Maps

City of Melbourne, population four million, placed in the wrong hemisphere

New science: Pathetic humans can't bring themselves to fire lovable klutz-bots

All is forgiven, you gaffe-prone cyber-cooks. You're one of us

Snowden files confirm Shadow Brokers spilled NSA's Equation Group spy tools over the web

Tech world faces summer of emergency security patching

Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

Official Redmond response: Customers love Win10

This MySpace investor keeps spamming Google with lawsuits – and the ad giant just wants him to stop

Chocolate Factory asks court to block Greenspan's complaints

Shopped in an Eddie Bauer store recently? Your card's probably gone. It's just gone

350 US and Canadian stores catch sales till malware

Cambridge University controlled tech startup fund raises £75m

We're not your traditional venture capitalists, says firm

ISS astronauts begin spacewalk to install new docking adapter

Don't drop that wrench, whatever you do

Microsoft’s Continuum: Game changer or novelty?

Hands On We have a look at the latest cut

Two-speed Android update risk: Mobes face months-long wait

We need to outpace malware-flingers, securo folk warn

UK's mass-surveillance draft law grants spies incredible powers for no real reason – review

IPBill Despite umms and aahs, GCHQ is home free to hack

iPhone: Apple's Mac battle with Windows rebooted

Status quo déjà vu, for the mobile generation

Plexistor unveils storage-stack-perplexing PMoF tech

More not-quite-remote memory speeds apps

UK IT consultant subject to insane sex ban order mounts legal challenge

+Comment Homeless Yorkshire man must tell plod in advance if he wants to have a flirty text chat

DVLA misses out on £400m in tax after scrapping paper discs

Dept loses at least £80m due to fraud

Nvidia welcomes Intel into AI era: Fancy a benchmark deathmatch?

HPC blog We love your deep learning benchmark 'mistakes'

My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'A virgin? In his right ear, perhaps'

Nutanix scoops Cisco. Everyone's really happy ... but Cisco is strangely quiet about it

It's a meet-in-the-channel affair for resellers

Polish developer hacks Android rewards app for free beer

Broadcasting authent keys over the air is just asking for trouble

Uber and Volvo take on Ford in race to launch self-driving vehicles

Automated trucks and – gasp! – SUVs could be here in five years' time

Windows Phone dives into irrelevant-like-BlackBerry territory

Android is the Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt of mobility, even Apple is far behind

WikiLeaks uploads 300+ pieces of malware among email dumps

Freedom. Justice. Openness. And some entirely avoidable p0wnage for good luck

Password strength meters promote piss-poor paswords

You had one job ...

You shrunk the database into a .gz and the app won't work? Sigh

On-Call Plus: The misguided tale of the 20-second support response time that wasn't

Amazon now renting cloudy desktops for $0.22 an hour

Workspaces can now be scheduled to shut down and are cheap for half-time workers

Google adds SQL Server to its cloudy database collection

Nearline storage mystery deepens as Cloud SQL, Datastore and Bigtable go live

Microsoft promises free terrible coffee every month you use Edge

World's most unpopular browser, now with opt-in SuperStalking

Apple beats off banks' bid for access to iPhones' NFC chips

For now, anyway, as Australian regulator says it needs time to ponder a complex matter

NASA dangles ONE MILLION DOLLARS for virtual Mars robots

Devs challenged to train humanoid helper for red planet mission

$100m settlement snub: Super Cali goes ballistic, says Uber deal atrocious

And the sound of robot drivers is something quite ferocious

Banking system SWIFT was anything but on security, ex-boss claims

Why bother with computer defenses when billions are at stake, eh?

Oracle Java copyright war latest: Why Google's luck is about to run out

Analysis Database giant claims web ads goliath tricked court, Android isn't just phones

US Patent Office sued after it declared a power outage a 'national holiday'

Filing challenges authority of trademark bod to extend deadlines

Adblock Plus chalk talk takes stock: Facebook's gonna block our block of their block of our block? Let's rock

Filter-flinger suggests the FTC could even step in

Google had Obama's ear during antitrust probe

Updated Wait, whaaat? This isn't supposed to happen

Cisco joins Microsoft and flings out Skype-friendly collab app

Can't use your favourite OTT voice app? FTFY

NASA to begin first asteroid sample mission: Seeks 'pristine' specimen

Bennu.... no, not a scientology overlord

Microsoft has open-sourced PowerShell for Linux, Macs. Repeat, Microsoft has open-sourced PowerShell

OpenSSH remoting will be baked in, too

Atlassian promises frictionless, casual video encounters

HipChat escalates the face

Two G4S call centre staff sacked over 999 answering scam

Two more quit before internal tribunals, one cleared of wrongdoing

BT and Nokia slink off together, muttering about 5G tech

Operators join hands for laboratory love-in

The calm before the storm: AMD's Zen bears down on Intel CPUs

More details confirmed ahead of 2017 desktop, server launch – and don't mention ARM

Qualcomm piqs 'Centriq' as specifiq honorifiq for slicq ARM server chip

And shifts its data center processor wing into its own Inq, er, Inc

Snowden says Russia ‘probably responsible’ for NSA hack

Shadow Брокеры?

Oracle campaigns for third Android Java infringement trial

Android on Chrome in the spotlight

UK military buys third £4m Zephyr drone for 'persistent surveillance' trials

Flying solar panel runs off batteries and a 300W motor

Viscous liquid oozing down the walls? You must have hives

Hospital combed for cause of sweet infection

Let's Encrypt ups rate limits

20 is plenty

Nutanix has swallowed something. Cough once if you're OK, guys

S1 shows you're snacking on something again. Care to tell us what it is this time?

'Disciplined' NetApp cuts weight, turns in a prettier spreadsheet

Profits rebound and new marketing boss hired away from IBM

Brit cops cuff Sage employee at Heathrow airport

Woman nicked on suspicion of fraud

New UK trade deals would not compensate for loss of single market membership

Analysis So says Institute for Fiscal Studies report

FireEye warns 'massive' ransomware campaign hits US, Japan hospitals

Locky ransomware running rampant, mounted on personalised phish

CERN staff conduct 'human sacrifice' at supercollider site

MILDLY NSFW Macabre video was a joke, but boffins promise better security

BT best provider for 10Mbps USO, says former digi minister Ed Vaizey

Any regrets on the pro-BT stance? Nah

Windows 10 needs proper privacy portal, says EFF

Slams 'questionable tactics to cause users to download software many didn’t want'

If this headline was a security warning, 90% of you would ignore it

Boffins find interrupting users with pop-ups in the middle of things just doesn't work

Robo-buses join the traffic in Helsinki

Autonomous electric nine-seaters get a start from the Finnish

Australia's Telstra and Optus outed as two of the world's six most expensive ISPs

Cloudflare says they just won't peer so it has to pay 17 times European data prices in Oz

PayPal patches 2FA portal bug

Attacker could log in to account without triggering confirmation text

McDonald's launches wearable then pulls it after kid feels the burn

LED on 'Step-It' Happy Meal fitness tracker scalds child

Google hopes to sniff out OS X badware

'Santa' will tell MacAdmins if code is naughty or nice?

'Flying Bum's' first flight was a gas, gas, gas

Video We like big blimps and we cannot lie, as the Airlander takes to the sky

Fortinet follows Cisco in confirming Shadow Broker vuln

Versions after August 2012 are in the clear

Bitcoin 'targeted by state sponsored attackers' says Bitcoin.org

Update Bitcoin Core devs don't know about threat, advise usual signatures and hash checks

Cisco rewards massive profit jump with thousands of layoffs

Switchzilla to terminate connection on 5,500 employees

Cisco confirms two of the Shadow Brokers' 'NSA' vulns are real

Tech giant rushes to fix firewall remote code execution flaw

Verizon fingered in Android bloatware-for-cash cram scandal

Report says carrier offered to pre-install apps for moolah

Grab a pick: Space mining's the next generation gold rush

Find out all about it in our Reg lecture