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Microsoft Clippy

From Manchester to Microsoft – missing mum :-(

The eXpat files 'SYS Brit Noseflashes' mailing list welcomes migrants to Redmond

Windows 10

New Windows 10 will STAGGER to its feet, says Microsoft OS veep

Build 2015 It's coming in 'waves' – and Windows 7 users are the priority

Simulated views of the world as seen through HoloLens

Microsoft HoloLens or Hollow Lens? El Reg stares down cyber-specs' code

Build 2015 Our man spends 90 mins with headwear

School of Rock

Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Dabbsy was spawned in that slime of Cain

Microsoft Build 2015

Inside the guts of Nano Server, Microsoft's tiny new Cloud OS

Build 2015 This is definitely not your father's Windows Server

Public prosecutor waves big stick at German spies over NSA data slurp claims

Prelim probe into allegations against BND incoming – report

Apathy continues to overwhelm effort to create an internet ungoverned by America

The good news? Only a third of the 30 that responded hate it

Meet the man who inspired Elon Musk’s fear of the robot uprising

Exclusive Interview Nick Bostrom explains his AI prophecies of doom to El Reg

'Not paying for any of that music was probably a mistake. Buh bye!'

QuoTW Plus: 'Apple Watch Apps whose primary function is telling time will be rejected'

Bonny Scottish post-pub nosh neckfiller: Rumbledethumps

Cunning culinary plan involving turnip – from the land of Clan Blackadder

Bruce Schneier's Data and Goliath – solution or part of the problem?

Page File Special I know you're only trying to help. But ...

Reg Lectures serve up Net Terrors, Rare Earths, and Ancient Tech

Reg Events And top notch beer and vittles ...

From Manchester to Microsoft – missing mum :-(

The eXpat files 'SYS Brit Noseflashes' mailing list welcomes migrants to Redmond

Why OH WHY is economics so bleedin' awful, then?

Worstall @ the Weekend As Brenda rightly says, no one even predicted the crash

Husband of Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg, dies suddenly

Zuck leads tributes to Silicon Valley biz man David Goldberg

Intellectual property laws in China, India are flawed, claims US govt without irony

Counterfeit havens shamed by American trade body

Cylon is golden: Backstabbing bank holiday board games

Product Roundup Four ways to crush friends and enemies alike

Welcome to the family ... Microsoft licks nib of Surface pen maker N-trig

Blood is thicker than digi ink

Poseidon's Wake, Naked at the Albert Hall and Farewell Kabul

Page File Hard Sci-Fi with Alistair Reynolds, Tracey Thorn on singing and more

London Coffee Festival: Caffeine, tech and martinis on show in Shoreditch

A brimming beany buzz

Unfriended: Odious screen-teens get theirs in this flat horror

Film Review Buffering is not a good device for building on-screen tension

Shields up! Shields up! ASTRONAUTS flying to MARS will arrive BRAIN DAMAGED, boffins claim

Spaaace travel hits mousy buffer

Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Dabbsy was spawned in that slime of Cain

Ex-Goldman Sachs programmer found guilty of code theft … again

Sergey Aleynikov nailed for fleeing vampire squid with crucial trading tools

'Just follow the damn Constitution!' FBI, DoJ skewered over demands for crypto backdoors

Vid Politicos: Encryption gives peeps what they want

OpenStack Kilo arrives with an Ironic twist (no, really)

Bare-metal provisioning leads features of 11th major release

Apple snaps in crap wriststrap's tat mishap flap: Watch IS affected by TATTOOS

Ink on pink will knacker rinky-dink sensors, says iGiant

Goldman Sachs gives Spotify its mixtape. And by mixtape, we mean a suitcase with $350m in it

Our Friday youth engagement

Microsoft HoloLens or Hollow Lens? El Reg stares down cyber-specs' code

Build 2015 Our man spends 90 mins with headwear

New Windows 10 will STAGGER to its feet, says Microsoft OS veep

Build 2015 It's coming in 'waves' – and Windows 7 users are the priority

NSA-restraining US law edges closer to reality, leaves just 6.81 billion under mass surveillance

Good news, everyone!

Quantum CPU upstart D-Wave drills into physics simulations to boost vital magnetic shielding

Inside the world of absolute-zero computing

How ICANN pressures 'net engineers to give it behind-the-scenes control of the web

We must have IANA! We must have IANA!

Not pro-Bono: Russian MP wants Apple to face stiff action for cramming 'gay' U2 into iCrevices

Did he misread 'an album cover' as 'anal bum cover'?

iOS and Android apps on Windows 10: How is this supposed to work?

Build 2015 The story for Objective C is great. Android, less so

Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse chap in 'desperate' cash shortage

Jacobs family down to $1.52 and leftovers as finishing line approaches

Oi, Twitter! Sign this or we won't talk to you, growls EU

BSkyB and TalkTalk also miss Brussels' lobby register deadline

ZuckerBorg assimilates Microsoft boffins into potentially world-threatening FART

Evil existential threat or waste of money? Probably both

El Reg merch tentacle mulls retro LOHAN T-shirt

Vulture 2 spaceplane in a comic book stylee – what do you think?

Wordpress munching contagion turns Linux servers into spam bots

Spam spam spam spam, lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Age guessing with Microsoft is FUN! Now give us your metadata

Netizens snigger as MS boffins advertise services on the back of data slurp

Google Password Alert could be foiled with just 7 lines of JavaScript

Credit where it's due, they plugged the vuln pretty quickly

Pure Storage flashes SAP credentials for HANA platform

But why would you need external storage?

Major London rail station reveals system passwords during TV documentary

Updated One way of ensuring you'll never get delayed again

Inside the guts of Nano Server, Microsoft's tiny new Cloud OS

Build 2015 This is definitely not your father's Windows Server

Do you have the intellectual bandwidth to attend ISC 2015?

Promo Supercomputers, quantum theory, drinks with The Reg

Console yourself: How the PS4 Spring Fever indies stack up

Game Theory Cheap and cheerful games for seasonal shenanigans

One bit to rule them all? Forget it – old storage types never die

Pups' guide to running with the storage pack

EU Commish is rather pleased German BND and NSA thought it worth spying on

'It’s good that people are interested in us'

Samsung back on top of smartmobe market

Squashes Apple with success in key mid-market nations where price matters

Ubuntu to shutter year-old clock unlock bug

Canonical wonk says external hack not even remote

Boeing 787 software bug can shut down planes' generators IN FLIGHT

Have you turned it off and on again? That's the way to stop the plane becoming a brick

Mounties nab Canadian woman, 27, in webcam hack shenanigans bust

Nefarious pervert hacks parlour cameras for heavy petting pwnage

Oracle paltry patch opens MySQL man-in-the-middle diddle

It's got a logo and a website: Behold the awesomeness that is BACKRONYM!

Tesla reveals Powerwall battery packs for homes, Powerpacks for cities

Elon Musk: 'No incremental CO2 is the future we need to have'

Strange alien-like life zones found beneath Antarctic glacier

Dust off your Lovecraft and your Laundry Files, then detour to Mars

CHEATER! Test labs out AV vendor for using rival's engine

'They made me do it!' Qihoo cries

Grooveshark closes, blames 'serious mistake' of not paying for music

Suicide note tells punters to use properly licensed services

If flash storage achieves FaME, will it live forever?

Introducing your next memory extension

Amazon boss Bezos' Blue Origins declares test flight 'flawless' ... if you overlook one snafu

Video Rocket went up in one piece, came down in pieces

Facebook bug gobbles pics in posts, web publishers scream

Developers grumpy as clickbait shorn of pics and their pulling power

Who thinks Microsoft Edge SUCKS? Erm, Microsoft

Redmond in web swoop after launch of Internet Explorer's replacement

What is Apple's idiot tax on Watch these days? 'About $265 or 80%'

Hey, rent in the Bay Area is expensive. These Cupertino engineers don't come cheap

NASA's Messenger craft SMASHES into Mercury: See ya later, alien crater

Pic Space super-prang at 8,000 MPH – we won't see the hole for a while, crocodile

Confidential information exposed over 300 times in ICANN security snafu

But it's your fault for looking, cries inept internet overlord

AT&T fined for gouging Uncle Sam on phone plans for poor folk

Telco was a bit too generous with Lifeline plans

NetApp's all-flash FAS array is easily in the top, er, six SPC-1 machines

Better than 6th place, not quite good enough for 4th

Airbus to sue NSA, German spies accused of swiping tech secrets

Fighting terrorism, huh?

Apple and IBM foist fondleslabs on Japanese elders in Big Data snatch

They're coming for that sweet, sweet health info. Buy more meds! From us!

Ha! Win 10 preview for Raspberry Pi 2 pops out of the Microsoft oven

Build 2015 IoT Core build also on Intel MinnowBoard Max

You can now play thousands of classic DOS games on Twitter. Goodbye, productivity

Hello, Wolfenstein 3D

Whither the PC? Mobes, slabs drive majority of traffic for top news sites

Want to actually read the story? Fire up your desktop

ICANN's bill for clawing global DNS from Uncle Sam: $7m and counting

Amid failure after failure

Snapdragon 810 chip doesn't overheat, jilted Qualcomm sniffs at LG

Teary processor firm gazes green-eyed at speedy ex

Heroic Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse tighten their belts

Tough going, but the end is in sight

Bulging booty bird Kim Kardashian date game biz adds Britney Spears to bottom line

Tencent gets more junk in its trunk with Glu acquisition

Ryanair stung after $5m Shanghai'd from online fuel account

They'll have to check the account now, which will cost them extra

TomTom MyDrive brings satnav syncing to PCs and mobiles

Pics Now you can see how late you'll be - on your own device

Burger me! Microsoft's chainsaw rampage through sacred cow herd

Analysis Ballmer would turn in his grave. If he was dead

Instagram's HTTPS cert expires, millions of crap photographers panic

Hipster photo platform doesn't do much for security bods

UK exam board wants kids to be able to Google answers

Poll Be quiet, I'm asking the questions here

ONE BEELLION Windows 10 devices?! OH REALLY

This word 'billion' cannot mean what you think it means

Take time to get to know the flash you think you love

Not all SSDs are created equal

UK rail comms are safer than mobes – for now – say infosec bods

Analysis Industry told to harden systems to prevent future train smash carnage

Brits send Star Wars X-wing fighter to the stratosphere

'F***wits from Romford' hoping for VIP tickets to The Force Awakens premiere

BATWINGED DINO-PIGEON causes FLAP in bone-boffinry circles

Yi qi baffles modern dinoboffins

High-speed powerline: Home connectivity without the cables

Breaking Fad Perfect for security-conscious types who want cameras in every bedroom

Windows 10 hands on: Build 10074 is for the brave - but it's pretty snazzy

Build 2015 OS heading in the right direction at long last

Apple Watch WRISTJOB SHORTAGE: It's down to BAD VIBES

Cupertino idiot-tax operation junks duff throbbless jazzbangles

Wolfram bros seek code slinger posse for IBM and Google round-up

Come in Google, your time is up. Watson, we're watching you

Is Grant Shapps being naughty on Wikipedia – or did a Lib Dem stitch him up?

Truth, lies and the website anyone can muck about with

France wants to make les citoyens' health data available to world+dog

Massive health database + leaky Euro government = what could possibly go wrong?

SHA-1 crypto hash retirement fraught with problems

Bumbling duffers using WinXP and old Android releases aren't helping

eBay year-long patch stall a little XSSive, researcher says

Session jacking bug bores bug bounty boffins

Intel has ambitions to turn modems into virtual servers and reinvent broadband

A few cores in your modem and OpenStack driving network function virtualisation

NASA spies weird glow from Pluto's FRIGID pole

Pic Latest New Horizons probe image shows odd features

Oxford chaps solve problem in 1982 Sinclair Spectrum manual

12-Spectrum network assembles orchestra to play Mahler symphony

Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

VERY NSFW When we say 'butterfly' we mean... well...

Geneva boffins make light work of random numbers

Take one photon and fake it 'til you make it

Ransomware scum find the sweet spot to coin it without copping it

RSA 2015 $10k demands are paid, and plod stays away

You can't keep a Secret and nor can anyone else: the app is closing

Trolls strangle anonymous chat app

VCE now competing with VMware

New play bundles Citrix virty desktops and apps, plus NetScaler

Brocade adds more Ethernet to storage

Fibre Channel endures the bizzare love triangle

Verizon tags majors to craft SDN future

We've written a document, that's gotta be a good start

Android gaming platform Ouya is down to its last life

Reports suggest debt restructure didn't fly and a powerup's needed

Macroviruses are BACK and are the future of malware, says Microsoft

It's 2015 and half a million people will still click on stuff we knew was bad in the '90s

Oracle, Accenture, in cloudy consulting cuddle

This is how Big Red is going to migrate you to the cloud

Rand Paul is trying to murder net neutrality. Is there a US presidential election, or something?

Motion to axe rules will run right into Obama's veto stamp

Google polishes Chrome security with Password Alert

Hang out the 'Gone Phishing' sign and relax

Someone is trying to buy Salesforce – but who could it be?

SaaS upstart hires bean counters after mystery giant comes knocking

Calamity cargo capsule DOOMED: Space station pod in fireball re-entry

Vid We come in pieces

LG glances at red-stained bank account, crosses fingers for G4

Leather-clad Android 5.1 smartie will make a difference – if people buy it

HDS turns its back to ASICs: Storage vaults to rely on x86 sans magic

Tickling IT buyers' sensitivities by hitting the G-spot

PICTURE-TASTIC: Microsoft woos devs to HoloLens virtuo-goggs

Build 2015 Hey - can YOU think of a reason to strap one of these to your face?

Microsoft: It's TRUE, you'll get Android and iOS apps in WINDOWS

Build 2015 Redmond wants no developers to be left out

US Congress promises death to patent trolls in bipartisan law scribbling

Joint press conference promises to finally pass law

JP Morgan bank bod accused of flogging customer account info

FBI snitch exposes alleged account-emptying scam

SECRET PROTOTYPE iPAD 'stolen from RANDY Apple employee'

Bloke pepper-sprayed and kidnapped in online ad sting, it is claimed

ROBOT telescope discovers ENORMOUS planetary neighbours

If robots can find planets, why can't they find the ingredients to get me a G&T?

Oh, hey, look – it's the hardware storing all your medical records

Imagine if GE owned EMC – that's Hitachi today

This is Spartan? No, it's Microsoft Edge, Son of Internet Explorer

Build 2015 Redmond's new standards-compliant browser gets a real name at last

Zoom in on HDS' Hyper Scale-out Platform kit

Hyper-converged box avoids the NameNode bottleneck

Visual Studio running on OS X and Linux for free? SO close

Build 2015 Microsoft's new cross-platform editor show non-Windows devs some love

The world's first proper Bitcoin exchange will be live in a month

New York's Department of Financial Services ready to publish new rules

Why the US government reckons it should keep phone network kill-switches a secret

Analysis It all comes down to the word "any"

Facebook policy wonk growls at Europe's mass of data laws

Don't speak to the face cos the book is closed, m'kay?

Gambling with your data: Betfair fixes HUGE account reset email vuln

Hidden form field let anyone take control of punters' cash

Google officially doubles EU lobbying – but true figure is surely higher

More chocolate dessert, Commissioner?

'Android on Windows': Microsoft tightens noose around neck, climbs on chair

Build 2015 Surely they can't be that desperate ...

Big Blue boffins claim quantum computing measurement leap

+Vid Seeing AND assessing more than one error at a time? Hold my coat, IBM got this

Infinidat decloaks, bulging with a BILLION greenbacks

Moshe Yanai’s latest storage upstart unicorn bares its horn

Speaking in Tech: Comcast bails from TWC merger – a nation cheers

Podcast Meanwhile, AWS and Microsoft duke it out in the cloud

Fondleslab deaths grounded ALL of American Airlines' 737s

Updated Bizarre iPad fail KOs dozens of flights

Give me POWER: How to keep working when the lights go out

Business continuity is not a dirty word. It's two words. But they're not dirty ones

Jeez, AT&T. Billing a pensioner $24,000 for dialup is pretty low

83-yr-old AOL subscriber panics when stupid bill hits mat

New EU security strategy: Sod cyber terrorism, BAN ENCRYPTION

Guff-laden policy also includes more private data hoovering

Anonymous benefactor to match today's Quid-A-Day donations

Reg reader will fork out up to £750, so prise open your wallets

E-voting and the UK election: Pick a lizard, any lizard

Feature Would digital democracy really solve our political problems?

Free markets aren't rubbish – in fact, they solve our rubbish woes

Worstall on Wednesday Just one of my tiny attempts to make the world a better place

Your new car will dob you in to the cops if you crash, decrees EU

Lifesaving prang-snoop SIMs will only transmit basic info

Paranoid about the NSA? The case for dumping cloud's Big 3

Can you achieve security through the obscurity of regional ISPs?

Apple Watch HATES tattoos: Inky pink sinks rinky-dink sensor

Apple in 'Won't Work With Hipster Body Art' shocker

Chinese report loopy Facebook redirections

Users unclear if packet racket is accident or attack

Stop the war between privacy and security – EU data watchdog

And you don't have to keep data within national borders. Just be careful with it

Fiesta exploit kits wakes from siesta

Reports of hacker toolkit's death proven greatly exaggerated

Brit boffins BLOW UP Li-On batteries and film the MELTING COPPER

Video This is why Lenovo is recalling ThinkPads

UK's annual PCB waste = 81 HMS Belfasts, says National Physical Lab

An awful lot of light cruisers dumped into landfills

Barclays, Halifax and Tesco still being gnawed by POODLE

Australia's NAB in strife, too, says researcher

Tax shouldn't be taxing – unless you're Barracuda Networks

Ambitious fish's sales rise but paperwork triggers crash

PayPal adopts ARM servers, gets mightily dense

Applied Micro trumpets accelerating cloud-scale adoption in solid Q4 results

Samsung Electronics' sales go OVER A CLIFF

Petitie profit pump provide parachute, but didn't open in time to prevent a nasty landing

SOHOpeless Realtek driver vuln hits Wi-Fi routers

SOAP scum dirties D-Link, TRENDnet and maybe more

Twitter's share price crashed 18% thanks to ONE LONE TWEET

Sneaky 'data science' bods guess URL, cause mayhem

French outsourcer Atos fattens revenues on UK public sector

UK government biz buoys otherwise flat sales

RSA supremo rips 'failed' security industry a new backdoor, warns of 'super-mega hack'

RSA 2015 Walls and moats can't beat ladders and boats

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