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Doctor Nick Riviera

Google AI gains access to 1.2m confidential NHS patient records

Deal with Royal Free London to slurp info surprises and shocks

Kelly LeBrock Weird Science

Rampant robot tries to rip my clothes off

Something for the Weekend, Sir? As its lithe synthetic fingers fumbled with my trouser buttons...

Must listen: We've found the real Bastard Operator From Hell

Ingenious IT boss banishes hapless callers to on-hold Hades with Extension 666

Miguel de Icaza on stage with Steve Wozniak at the Evolve 2016 conference

Miguel de Icaza on his journey from open source to Microsoft: 'It's a different company'

Interview 'I feel vindicated (about) Mono... turns out that Java is the big problem'

Intel loses its ARM wrestling match, kicks out Atom mobe chips

The Broxton, SoFIA terminator says 'I'll be back ... with 5G modems'

'Charred Weasel' Linux

PowerShell for Docker

Windows bug bounty

US data suggests Windows 10 adoption in business is slowing

Can the Windows XP soufflé rise again and maintain its lead over Windows 8.1?

AWS outgrows its own resource numbering scheme

Seventeen-character identifiers mean cloud can scale for 'new AWS regions launching in 2016'

SpaceX adds Mars haulage to its price list

Book now to send 13,600kgs to the red planet in 2018 for the reasonable price of US$90m

Are state-sponsored attackers poisoning the statistical well?

WAHckon Governments relying on bad data will make bad decisions

Xiaomi takes aim at Apple, Qualcomm

Putting final polish on processor and smartwatch announcements

El Reg Summer Lectures: Space, robots and digital homes

Three professors walk into a pub...and start talking

Chap runs Windows 95 on Apple Watch

It takes an hour to boot and you need to tickle the Watch with a stick while it loads

Audiophile torrent site What.CD fully pwnable thanks to wrecked RNG

WAHckon Use of mt_rand means there's free .flac for those who crack

If the Internet of Things will be SOOO BIG why did Broadcom just quit the market?

Radio silicon offloaded to Cypress Semi for US$550m as founder and CEO retires

Have a Cptn Cook: VXers learn 'Strayan to plunder Down Under

WAHckon Net ratbags probing how much a koala can bear with dinky-di scams

Score one for the patent trolls: US appeals court says it's OK to shop for patent-friendly judges

No escape in sight from Delaware and eastern Texas

If you work on Seagate's performance drives, time to find another job

+Comment Lousy three months ends multi-year stream of profit

Intel loses its ARM wrestling match, kicks out Atom mobe chips

The Broxton, SoFIA terminator says 'I'll be back ... with 5G modems'

Daft draft anti-car-hack law could put innocent drivers away for life

Rules proposed in Michigan perfect example of tech-illiterate politicians writing tech rules

Google AI gains access to 1.2m confidential NHS patient records

Deal with Royal Free London to slurp info surprises and shocks

ICANN in a strop that Intel, Netflix, Lego, Nike and others aren't using their dot-brand domains

Like getting 47 'maybes' and a couple of 'yeses' on a Facebook party invite

Pop goes the weasel! Large Hadron Collider blown up by critter chomping 66kV cable

Incinerated hungry mammal wrecks transformer

It's 2016 and now your internet-connected bathroom scales can be hacked

Weight to go, Internet of s***

PayPal probed over Venmo cash-flinging app

FTC investigation 'may result in substantial costs'

Japan's Hitomi space 'scope bricked, declared lost after software bug

Untested commands bork $286m instrument

Must listen: We've found the real Bastard Operator From Hell

Ingenious IT boss banishes hapless callers to on-hold Hades with Extension 666

Miguel de Icaza on his journey from open source to Microsoft: 'It's a different company'

Interview 'I feel vindicated (about) Mono... turns out that Java is the big problem'

UK's GDS to hire 300 folk. Silver lining: They'll be evicted from Holborn

Embiggening UK.gov tentacle will be banished to hot-desk hell

Hipster hackers cook up 'artisan' Squiblydoo attack

Native OS tools, living off the land... it's all very crunchy

The EU wants you to log into YouTube using your state-issued ID card

Analysis But, EU Robo-Commish: we don’t have one. And we don't want one

Galileos 11 and 12 live for your (imminent) navigating pleasure

Europe's satnav fleet gains operational pair

FCC floats new rules for data lines that bind America's networks

Not everyone pleased with proposed access rules

At last: Ordnance Survey's map wizardry goes live

Beta over

There's never been a better time to be a product reseller... if you like pain

Insight Enterprises sales slip, blames data centre spending

Finance bods SWIFT to update after Bangladesh hack

But infosec folk say full revamp needed

Central gov spent £6.3bn on IT. Nearly half handed to just 3 suppliers

HP still on top with £1.2bn spend in 2014/15

Carl Icahn: Will someone rid my portfolio of this rotten Apple?

China blamed as billionaire activist investor ends stock flirtation, makes $2bn

India trumpets seventh navigation sat launch

'We will determine our own paths powered by our technology', declares PM

Ireland's tech sector fears fallout of Brexit 'Yes' vote

Mad, bad and dangerous for trade

Getting started with DevOps: A guide for IT managers

Promo Puppet white paper distils transformation insights and tips

WD’s revenue wheels have fallen off. Profits are sinking, too

SSD cashflows do little to ease the growing HDD drought

Food for Deep Thought: 42 is IBM's answer to Life, the Universe and Everything...

Analysis Transformation is the word... don't overuse it

Europe's Earth-watching sat beams back icy first pic

Svalbard archipelago poses for Sentinel-1B

Rampant robot tries to rip my clothes off

Something for the Weekend, Sir? As its lithe synthetic fingers fumbled with my trouser buttons...

The Devils of DevOps stick it to YOU

It's not going to save you: You still need data to stop a fail

No objections to object stores: Everyone's going smaller and faster

Yes, they really are. Enrico Signoretti takes a look at what firms are up to

Switch survives three hours of beer spray, fails after twelve

On-Call Reader recalls a series of own goals doing tech support for a big football club

Revealed: The revolving door between Google and the US govt – in pictures

It's the busiest thing in DC

Google Play infested with cash-stealing web apps

Simple HTML scams look to be sneaking through the app inspection process

Your mother has a smooth forehead, Klingon language lovers roar at Paramount

Suvlu'taHvIS yapbe' HoS neH

Quad-core coffee table trumped by dual-Mac garden furniture

Readers share retro-computing rebuilds, plus a Microsoft CD fit only to be used as a coaster

Screen overlay malware on the rise as bot scum battle for dominance

Tanking PC trojans turn VXers to Android.

Linux greybeards release beta of systemd-free Debian fork

Devuan 'Jessie' betas debut in the name of 'Init freedom'

Microsoft joins the 1c/GB/month cloud storage caper

'Cool Blobs' restore ASAP, 99 per cent of the time

Gumtree 'fesses up to breach and personal information leak

UPDATE Email addresses, names and phone numbers accessed, but only in Australia

US govt quietly tweaks rules to let cops, Feds hack computers anywhere, anytime

Congress? Democracy? No need for that

Symantec CEO Mike Brown ousted after nasty numbers

Board says with Veritas gone, its time for pure-play security CEO

Comcast Com-templates Com-trashing Com-crap Com-pact Com-caps

Cable giant thinks 1TB a month ought to be enough for anyone

Windows 10 handcuffs Cortana web search to Bing and Edge browser

Next month: Wow, everyone's a massive fan of Bing and Edge! What a surprise!

Amazon's AWS cash machine embiggens, breezes past $2bn-a-quarter mark

Bezos' biz bolstered by billowing clouds

Nearly two billion in the bank and yet this VC is slowly losing his beach-blocking battle

Vinod Khosla may be forced to provide public access

SpaceX is go for US military GPS sat launch, smashes ULA monopoly

Nothing like some healthy competition

UC Davis chancellor suspended after headlines like this one undo $175,000 online name-scrubbing efforts

Linda Katehi slammed

Q. What's the difference between smartphones and that fad diet you all got bored of? A. Nothing

Global sales see first-ever decline, analysts say it's not just Apple losing ground

Chomp! Barracuda gets its bite back after turning a profit again

After five profit-free quarters they're back in the black

Batten down the hatches! OpenSSL preps fix for high impact vuln

Disappointingly, there's no snazzy name or logo with this one. Which is actually good

SanDisk's enterprise flash sales are embiggening nicely

3D NAND expansion coming along with second generation product

Reskilling to become a devops dude could net you $105k+

Here's the lowdown on making your package bulge like theirs

Quick, download your stuff! SurDoc shutters consumer-grade secure cloudy storage

Get it off before the end of May

Heathrow Airbus collision 'not a drone incident'

No evidence of UAV impact, investigators say

Samsung chuckles, swerves around Apple's Q1 phone sales crash

S7 propels chaebol

X-IO and Pivot3 enter mutual back-scratch deal

Loosely-coupled alliance with IP, product, staff, and engineering services aspects

E-cigarettes help save lives, says Royal College of Physicians

Sometimes Nanny doesn’t know best

Galileo in spaaace: France's 'equivalence principle' satellite

Do all bodies in a vacuum really fall at the same speed?

Mobile antivirus sales offset declining search revenues for AVG

Zen and the art of computer security

Is the world (yet) ready for hybrid cloud?

Where to start, what to look for

VMware cloud gros fromage packs his bags and takes a hike

Exec departure flight gains yet another passenger

Watch it Apple: time has come for cheaper rivals' strap-ons

Cupertino losing streaks continues

Pro-ISIS hacking groups are still hooking up

Twitter-defacing twits are still teaming up, may hit marginally bigger targets

Getty on Google: It’s all about traffic, duh

Competition, not copyright this time

Alphabetti spaghetti: SanDisk adds SLC cache to TLC SSD

Z400 PC SSD gets capacity raise and faster cache

First rocket finally departs Russia's Vostochny cosmodrome

Putin witnesses inaugural Soyuz launch

Neo4j CEO: We're at 'a huge inflection point for graph databases'

Interview Swede also speeks his branes on Saint Richard of Stallman

There's more to life than Windows

But you still have to bring your other-OS kit into the fold

UK's 'superfast' broadband is still complete dog toffee, even in London

Oh, and Hull is the worst city in the UK for take-up

Adware from French runs away and hides on 12M machines

Webscum copy skilled VXers to duck antivirus, sandboxes.

Unisys releases its ClearPath MCP OS for VMs or x86

End of a long era as mainframe-sourced OSes will no longer require companion hardware

Mozilla slings Firefox patches at flaw found by GCHQ's infosec arm

Browser bods emit ten patches in total, some for critical or high severity holes

Nanoparticle boffinry could boost battery life

Stanford University engineers hope to create next-gen power sources

One black hole, three galaxies, four BEELION solar masses – found by accident

When galaxies collide

PCI DSS 3.2 lands, urges you to make haste slowly

Standard suggests death for old TLS … by the generous deadline of July 2018

Xen hypervisor to gain non-disruptive patching in June

Release candidates for version 4.7 should emerge any day now

Smartphone growth? Not in Q1, says IDC

Phone-fondlers fondle fave phones for longer, spoiling upgrade cycle

IBM bungs deduplication in FlashSystem arrays

DS8888 high-end flash array for mainframers and the like

EFF revises IM safety ratings after pen testers pop 'secure' tools

BSides Canberra Pen tests find holes galore in common messaging apps

Time for a patch: six vulns fixed in NTP daemon

What's the time? It's time to get ill. Unless you fix these beastly flaws

'Feature-complete' Windows Server 2016 preview 5 lands

Contain yourself: Nano install now possible as System Centre's new look also arrives

Microsoft's Windows 10 nagware storms live TV weather forecast

Well, this blows

America edges closer to get-a-proper-warrant-to-read-my-email law

House passes Email Privacy Act by unanimous vote, now to see if the Senate follows

The Internet of Things edges toward a practical reality

Samsung pushes its vision: an open world with it in the middle

BugCrowd's $15m fund win shows Oz infosec can score Series B: CEO

Don't sit on your ideas, bug chief urges hackers

Back up the trucks for Zuck's bucks: Facebook revenues up 52 per cent

$5.4bn can buy a lot of laser drones

Move over Amazon Alexa – Samsung's hot assistant bot Otto's trying to build an empire

Smart TVs are working well, let's make smart homes and smart lights and smart furniture

Another failed merger, Carly? Ted Cruz to bring in ex-HP boss Fiorina as running mate

Guy who'll never be president picks woman who'll never be vice president

SpaceX: We'll land on Mars in 2018 (cough, with NASA's help)

Red Dragon mission is go

Kids racking up huge in-app bills on Kindles, Android is all your fault, Amazon – US court

And you're gonna pay

Samsung's little black box will hot-wire your car to the internet. Eek!

Insurance companies happy – but why should motor owners bother?

Apple man found dead at Cupertino HQ, gun discovered nearby

Cops, coroner probe shock death on Infinite Loop campus

Cloud! IoT! APIs! Collect all the data! Samsung wins today's tech bingo

Open Artik platform for making sense of the internet of things launches

Is VMware the power it once was?

Sysadmin Blog World's changing. Is VMware adaptable enough to cope?

German prof scores €2.4m EU grant to crack software on your bicycle

State funding awarded to break into private firms' proprietary code

Go to Topshop, make a Bluetooth gizmo, stick it on your dress

Fashion retailer plans Top Pitch competition for wearable tech

You're only young but you're going to die: Farewell, all-flash startups

Comment X-IO, facing AFA market mayhem, calls it quits

Newest Microsoftie Xamarin releases cross-platform mobile SDK as open source

EVOLVE 2016 Better tools shown off in Florida

Ex-Apple gurus' elusive Android phone coming to UK next month

Obi Worldphone aims for the budget buyer

Hewlett Packard Enterprise: Wanna walk the plank voluntarily? You got it

Exclusive Either way, biz wants to cut 1,092 UK staffers from the wage bill

Apple will be grilled by Irish National Planning Board over €850m data centre plan

'It's a 500 acre forest: there's room for Apple and the badgers'

Microsoft fingered for Western Euro PC tragedy

The decision to kill off Windows with Bing heaps misery on OEMs

Node.js releases version 6.0. Yes, yes, LTS

More module issue fixes still require()d

The case for ethical ad-blocking

Fans – take out the adtech middleman, and have a clear conscience?

Linux infosec outfit does a Torvalds, rageblocks innocent vuln spotter

Handbags at dawn: Firm reacts badly to Twitter tip-off, minor catfight ensues

SwiftStack adds load balancing and goes further up the Amazon

Adding integrated file access and deepening S3 integration

Ding-dong, reality calling: iPhone slump is not Apple's doom

Pressure in a growth-obsessed climate

Outsourcery inks Vodafone finance deal as selloff rumours grow

Firm says it's preparing to restructure and dispose of non-core assets

Panama Papers graph database cracked open for world+dog

Interview Gaze upon your masters' finances, sheeple

Continuous Lifecycle: Conference full, few seats left in workshops

So that's what it's like selling hot cakes?

Redback sinks fangs into Oz builder's todger

Portaloo spider attack ends in hobble to hospital

Speaking in Tech: Analysts suddenly realise OpenStack exists

Podcast You can't ignore a trend forever. Right? Right?

Is Dublin becoming as unaffordable as San Francisco?

Comment Influx of big tech firms has pushed up the cost of living massively

Why has Microsoft stopped being beastly to Google?

Analysis 'Let's be meek to them - and turn the other cheek to them'

Blighty's SMB tech ranks bitterly divided on Brexit

Single market vs. rest of the world

Hubble spots ice moon orbiting dwarf planet Makemake

Pluto-like object possesses Pluto-like moon

China's Dalek-like robots fear only one terrifying nemesis: Stairs

Pics And the utterly unfit

Getty Images flings competition sueball at Google Image Search

If you can see it in search, you won't buy it, says image bank

Boffins believe buggy Binder embiggens Android attack surface

Punching holes in problematic private APIs

Microsoft gifts free support to Azure big spenders

Enterprise agreement holders to receive free advisory services that will help Microsoft too

Qatari hack: Bank 'investigating' leak

Dossier-building third party probably dumped the data

Gibraltar kids win UK CyberCenturion blue team hacker comp

Gamers beat Blighty's best.

Kaspersky cracks CryptXXX, throws lifeline to ransomware victims

Nasty bug tries to confuse you by glowing slow on external storage encryption

Game of P0wns: Malvertising menace strikes Pirate Bay season six downloads

There is no honour among content thieves

US government tells Apple it has security problems that Apple fixed last year

FBI gets the 'don't hoard vulnerabilities' memo at last

Intel CEO Krzanich: PCs are things too!

Intel plans to put itself InsideTM the Panopticon that is cloudy analytics

Honestly though, Twitter can't do anything right

CEO Dorsey faces investors after another loss-making quarter

AT&T credits DirecTV gobble for $41bn quarter

2.3 million new mobile subscribers didn't hurt either

30 years on, Chernobyl wildlife still feeling effects of nuke plant catastrophe

Shrinking brains, faltering fertility and cloudy sight

Shares down?! But, but, but ... Apple just made $50bn – that's the way the Cookie grumbles

Macroeconomic headwinds blamed for disaster quarter

Docker hired private detectives to pursue woman engineer's rape, death threat trolls

Laughter could be best medicine to combat some abusers

It's World IP Day! Celebrate by making money from a dead teenager

Let's be frank, Anne Frank

T-Mobile US gobbles up another 2.2m customers

Its secret? Be a little nicer than Verizon or AT&T

Germans stick traffic lights in pavements for addicts who can't take their eyes off phones

Alerts for those who are always looking down at their mobe

US tech CEOs demand Congress programs US kids to be tech workers

Feed us more compsci grads!

What do you call an old, unpatched and easily hacked PC? An ATM

Cash machines all too easily compromised – even without malware, we're told

Google can't hold back this malware running riot in its Play store

Ad fraud, scareware slinger Android.Spy.277.origin found in more than 100 apps

NASA eyes stadium-sized orb launch: Part 3

Super Pressure Balloon team poised yet again in NZ