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Oh Em Pee! Giant Android wees on Apple in Google Maps graffiti

Updated Golden shower for fruit-bitten icon

SUPERVOLCANIC MAGMA reservoir found under Yellowstone

Could fill the Grand Canyon 11 times over

The huge flaw in Moore’s Law? It's NOT a law after all

From homemade nitroglycerine to Intel: Meet Gordon Moore

Shopping trolley. Pic: Mikey, Flickr

Looking for laxatives, miss? Shoppers stalked via smartphone Wi-Fi

FTC tsks at startup promising an opt-out that was invisible to millions of citizens

Sick of tech bro Silicon Valley? Oakland is building a better tech world – say Oaklanders

'We don't need any more photo-sharing apps'

Fandroids, take your phone's antivirus and burn it – Android bod

RSA 2015 Our security is that good, honest

Bloke, 22, in knockoff Microsoft Xbox ring gets 18 months in the cooler

Source code, blueprints swiped by gang

Internet kingmakers drop ego, devise future of DNS, IP addys etc

Sane IANA plan released for public comment

Here's why the Pentagon is publishing its cyber-warfare rulebook – if China hasn't already hacked in and read it

A 'don't make me come over there' moment in infosec

Oracle's Hurd says 95% of its software will be cloud services this year

Big Red 'not protecting anything,' says co-CEO

Reg Lectures serve up Net Terrors, Rare Earths, and Ancient Tech

Reg Events And top notch beer and vittles...

Computacenter UK giggles as cash rains on revived data centre ops

If only the French and German outfits were doing so well

Zombie Google Glass 2 feeds on Italian brains, says specs supremo

Techno-goggles comeback does actually appear to be in the works

Comcast flees $45bn monster-merger with Time Warner Cable

Thing we all knew was going to happen has officially happened

Why Box and not SharePoint? 'Everybody doesn't hate us' says Box engineering veep

BoxDEV Cloud storage company launches Developer Edition with app-specific users

Looking for laxatives, miss? Shoppers stalked via smartphone Wi-Fi

FTC tsks at startup promising an opt-out that was invisible to millions of citizens

Win 95 code gaffe nearly made Stuxnet Suxnet, say infosec blokes

RSA 2015 But was the Iranian nuke lab bothering malware really that buggy?

Sick of tech bro Silicon Valley? Oakland is building a better tech world – say Oaklanders

'We don't need any more photo-sharing apps'

US judge lobs antivirus patents back to Hell

Loss of two patents cripples case against Trend Micro, could slash Symantec payout

The big boys made us do it: US used German spooks to snoop on EU defence industry

Lickspittles may have leaked military secrets to America

Unisys looks to ‘streamline’ as losses increase, sales fall

‘Enhancing competitiveness’ also probably a good idea

You - yes, YOU - can win The Ultimate Cash 'n' Carrion Survival Kit

Competition El Reg merchandise for those warm(er) server room nights

Can't wait to bonk with Apple? Then try an Android phone

Blighty bonking tech updated – although not a lot

Oh Em Pee! Giant Android wees on Apple in Google Maps graffiti

Updated Golden shower for fruit-bitten icon

Value of European outsourcing deals plummets

Folk don't want to do mega deals these days, it seems

SUPERVOLCANIC MAGMA reservoir found under Yellowstone

Could fill the Grand Canyon 11 times over

UK rail signals could be hacked to cause crashes, claims prof

He's also flogging anti-hack tech. Make of that what you will

Microsoft vs AWS: If you can't bark with the BIG DOGS get off the PORCH

A tight squeeze in the cloud

ECJ upholds LG’s €210M LCD panel cartel fine

Selling to your mum and dad doesn't make it OK

Apple Watch: How many vids does it take to teach a fanboi to tell the time?

Ten. The first one explores how to wait for delivery

Hadoop ODP: No thanks says MapR, and Cloudera isn't impressed either

It benefits Hortonworks, not us

Apple Watch RIPPED APART, its GUTS EXPOSED to hungry Vultures

Teardown Gaze upon Cook's wristjob, ye fanbois, & despair

Surveillance, broadband, zero hours: Tech policy in a UK hung Parliament

Election 2015 Mixing and matching the party manifesto promises

Violin playing marketing Love songs with new CMO

Mysterious hire has NetApp experience

Revenue jumps, but FalconStor still wobbly on its feet

Out of the wheelchair at least, slowly walking around

EU’s Timmermans: You can have our ear, lobbyists – just don't lie

Lest I unleash a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ on you

Disk drive shipment numbers set to spin down

Rush to flash and collapse of PC market fingered for decline

giffgaff riff-raff hacked off with lift-off of cash spaff

The company with no CAPITALS wants to lend capital

DRM is NOT THE LAW, I AM THE LAW, says JUDGE DREDD

Buy 2000AD online, get DRM-free copies forever

Rackspace in Crawley: This is a local data centre for local people

But everywhere is 127.0.0.1 for Uncle Sam

VMware makes vSphere licences portable to crimp EVO:RAIL costs

Buy for old-skool servers, transfer to hipstercoverged boxen, irritate Nutanix et al

China tackles vital strippers-at-funeral problem

Only one stiff allowed per service

LenovOUCH expands bits-blistering bodgy battery boomerang

ThinkPads burn two, turn punter's skin scarlet and burned their clothes

Microsoft to offer special Surface 3 for schools

Even with reduced on-board storage, 'the cloud ate my homework' isn't going to cut it

Dell expands open networking program with new switches

IP Infusion joins Round Rock's not-quite-white-box switching plan

Seagate close to open-sourcing Kinetics object storage platform

Keep your eye on the OpenStack summit

Citrix decides to share its WAN optimisation with the world

Promises real-time least-cost routing in the back of cloudy Beetle

Watch out for the products that have snuck in behind your back

Danger lurks in shadow IT

Licence to chill: Ex-CIA spyboss Petraeus gets probation for leaking US secrets to his mistress

Slap on the wrist for his Thunder-balls-up

Ransomware crims drop Bitcoin faster than Google axes services

RSA 2015 Rocky BTC only good for laundering cash, not saving and spending

Microsoft: Profit DECIMATED because you people aren't buying PCs

Around 10 per cent missing from this time last year

>Ring, ring< Hey Wall St. Yeah, it's Google. Yeah, bad news again, fellas

Missed analysts' expectations again. How healthy is Mountain View's cloud biz?

Amazon lifts lid on AWS money factory, says it's a $5 BEEEELLION biz

But dragging retail meant it lost money for the quarter anyway

Dissing the Valley and ignoring unicorns: The tech boom Oakland style

Analysis Upstart conference starts up with a splash near the lake

Comcast 'flees $45bn monster-merger with Time Warner Cable'

Cable giant sees writing on the wall, cuts bait in biz gobble battle, says insider

America's cyber-security proto-laws branded 'surveillance in disguise'

You wait ages for a computer security bill, then two come along at once

Your essential guide: What to look for in today's Amazon, Google, and Microsoft earnings

Analysis IaaS indeed, it's one helluva PaaS-ing contest

Got a Samsung Galaxy S5? Crooks can steal your fingerprint – claim

RSA 2015 You can change a password. You can change a PIN. Good luck changing your skin

Google: We're not mad, our mobes-in-sky Project Loon is FINE

Political problems may yet deflate penguin-centric net coverage plan

EMC dives into Iron Mountain's cloudy backup lair

Ferrous Hillock offers cloud backup, replication and DR

Citrix – Sorry, we didn't realise job cuts would knacker results

Redundancies and FX volatility cut down profits by 48%

The huge flaw in Moore’s Law? It's NOT a law after all

From homemade nitroglycerine to Intel: Meet Gordon Moore

If hypervisor is commodity, why is VMware still on top?

Microsoft and open-source rivals lose it in the labs

Infosec bods can now sniff out the NSA's Quantum Insert hacks

Sneaky state-sponsored snoopery can be picked up by counting HTTP packets

Massive TalkTalk data breach STILL causing customer scam tsunami

Fall-out from massive February data theft continues

NetApp’s Raijin deal was driven by simple value for money

Comment Two million dollars worth of kit now delivered

Cloudy storage merchant Box sneaks on to Chromebooks

The banker's offer just went through the roof

EMC's curate's egg sees revenues waiting for new product take-offs

Old storage wilts and there's not enough new stuff yet

Industry infighting means mobile users face long delays on UK trains

Comment When it comes to coverage on the rail network, we're all in second class

Costa Coffee Club members wake up and smell the data breach

A rich roast of fail could brew up a lot of trouble for members

Teradata's Aster shows how the flowers of fraud bloom

Comment The art of analytics is no longer restricted to data scientists

SEX: Naughty female stegosauruses offered it on a PLATE

These beasts really DID have two backs

MEPs: Oi, Juncker! Hands off our science and research dosh

No robbing Pietro to pay Paulo, please, Mr President

Facebook profits plunge by a fifth as buyouts soak up Zuck's cash

Cheer up Mark: sales nearly doubled at your content farm

McLaren CIO putters sideways into Heathrow Airport

So far that's aircraft and cars for Birrell. Trains next?

Beowulf Gods — rip into cloud's coding entrails

Slay distributed dragons with old-school skills

Banking trojan scourge gallops on, despite more fences

RSA 2015 New threats evolved in 2014, mainly aimed at the US

Belgian minister set to legalise Uber

After waffling on, it's about to do something ‘inherently sensible’

Fukushima nuke plant owner told to upgrade from Windows XP

48,000 PCs at TEPCO still run Microsoft's unloved child

Windows 10 Device Guard: Microsoft's effort to keep malware off PCs

RSA 2015 You'll need a machine with the right IOMMU tech

Cash register maker used same password – 166816 – non-stop since 1990

RSA 2015 Your PoS is a P.O.S., chortle hackers, uneasily

Love-rat fanboi left bobbing for Apples in tiny Japanese bath

WARNING: Contains strong imagery of drowned iThings from the outset

Atalla the hun(ter) leads HP cloud security invasion

Partnerships provide new analytics, threat detection, cloud, mobe capabilities

JUNK in your TRUNK is Amazon Germany's new delivery plan

DHL deliverators to get one-time codes to pop keyless cars

Russian space geckos caught on film playing with jeweled collar

Video Fifty shades of серый, comrade

Freescale preps white box switch for Interop launch

Shipments expected H2 2015

Australia's favourite(ish) telco taking SDN to the world

New POPs expand network for retiring brand

Singapore's PM personally programmed C++ Suduko-solver

Sorry I haven't coded lately, says Lee Hsien Loong, but when I retire I'll learn Haskell

Game to go a round with a Spartan? Microsoft will pay if you bruise it

Redmond broadens its bug bounty program to harden up Windows 10

Boffins laser print flexible transistors

If you can't stand the heat, turn down the temperature

What's broken in this week's Windows 10 build? Try the Start Menu, for one

At least Visual Studio doesn't crash anymore

'Aaron's Law' back on the table to bring sanity to US hacking laws

Zofgren, Wyden and Paul back changes to Computer Fraud and Abuse Act

When the Schmidt hits The Man: Look what the NSA made Google do

BoxDEV Exec chairman thinks everything is hunky-dory now

Facebook invents Caller ID ... say Hello to today's staggering technology

As Zuck's profits drop 20 per cent from this time last year

Crap ad app hack hole affects '100 MEELLLION'

RSA 2015 Advertising network library runs any old code it's given, conf audience told

What is the REAL value of your precious, precious data?

Data Pair – Part 2 Why your personal information isn't as important as you think

Facebook, Google execs cough to their biggest privacy blunders

RSA 2015 Beacon for Zuck & Co, not hard to guess Google's

Qualcomm profits sink as it hands over nearly a BEEELLION dollars in fines to China

Antitrust claims settled, but rough seas ahead

FBI alert: Get these motherf'king hackers off this motherf'king plane

One guy made a joke? OK, this just got real – keep your eyes peeled, everyone

Hi, Fi: Google JOWL-SLAPS mobile bigguns with $20/mo wireless service

Joint effort with T-Mobile US, Sprint to charge by by the gig

Half a BILLION dollars later and, PHEW, we're all done buying up dot-word domain rights

Now ICANN has to decide how to spend its cut

GoDaddy buys 200,000 domains for $28.1m – that's $140 a piece

Meanwhile, the web's other currency Bitcoin stands at 1 BTC for $237

Comcast accused of torpedoing Hulu sale to rivals with weapon of mass transactions

And why the US DoJ may not be best pleased

Republicans in sneaky bid to reauthorize Patriot Act spying until 2020

Bill to keep mass snooping alive bypasses traditional committee oversight

CozyDuke hackers targeting prominent US targets

Russian speakers offer up spoofed emails, ZIPs and malware

Speaking in Tech: How about that hacker guy thrown off a US flight for tweeting?

Podcast The TSA really doesn’t have a sense of humor

Got a big day planned in 15 BEELLLION years? You need this clock

You'll never be late for that special restaurant date

French outsourcer Atos fattens revenues on UK public sector

UK government biz buoys otherwise flat sales

Don't worry, Apple hypegasms haven't gone in the WRISTJOB ERA

Watch and new Macbook online-only debut "unique"

Coffee cup-sized MIT machine can SEE actual ELECTRONS, boast boffins

Neutrino mass search takes another big step

Chat app WhatsApp gift-wraps free yaps for Apple iPhone saps

Come on, fanbois, help the Zuckerborg destroy mobe firms

Hyperconverged solutions can't live without flash

Change is in the air

Google it onna Google phone onna GOOGLE NETWORK. MVNO plan imminent

Wi-Fi, a little Sprint, and a little T-Mobile

Fed-up Colorado man takes 9mm PISTOL to vexing Dell PC

Pumps eight rounds into troublesome box

Facebook fiddles with News Feed algo. Brace yourself for CONTENTGEDDON

Zuck: Always looking for ways of eating a publisher's lunch

Ubuntu 15.04 to bring 'Vivid' updates for cloud, devices this week

Canonical claims first-to-market with LXD, OpenStack 'Kilo'

London man arrested over $40 MILLION HFT flash crash allegations

Comment What's Navinder Singh Sarao said to have done?

Yahoo! sees! profit! and! shares! fall! as! earnings! missed! - save! us! Japan!

Oyasumi nasai Vienna

Excessively fat virtual worlds – come on, it's your guilty secret

Does my server look big in this?

This data-powered, insight-rich future, how do I get there exactly?

Promo Microsoft will show you how to prep yesterday’s systems for tomorrow

ExaGrid giving rivals plenty of jaw-jaw

CEO really crowing about software upgrades. Calm down dude

Cheer up songwriters, there's shedloads of money rolling in

Someone's earning plenty. It just isn't you

Google versus the EU: Sigh. You can't exploit a contestable monopoly

Worstall on Wednesday As the Chinese found out with those pesky rare earths

Teradata bulks up its universe, joins data warehouse to data lake

Company prepares for new products, new Labs president, wet ankles

Booking.com smacked by EU competition bods. Yeah, yeah, yeah

Shop for your holidays AFTER July this year

VMware's growth plans are ripening nicely

Q1 results look rosy, other than for that pesky US dollar

GDS monopoly leaves UK.gov at risk of IT cock-ups, warns report

We don't HAVE to develop everything ourselves... ahem

Throwing money at bug bounties won't beat zero-day dark markets

RSA 2015 Study shows tools and bragging rights key to beating criminals

Something's missing in our universe: Boffins look into the SUPERVOID

Much ado about nothing much

More SAP-sipping orgs fancy a date with HANA – if only they had the time and money

Not necessarily a shoo-in yet

El Reg assembles mighty Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

11 on board for Live Below the Line challenge

It's official: David Brents are the weakest link in phishing attacks

Middle managers are infosec's biggest problem, says study

Pica8 pokes SDN traffic into labelled BGP paths

Loosing logical domains across the wide area network

Japan showcases really, really fast … whoa, WTF was that?!

Maglev train zooms into record books doing 603KPH

Infosec bod's brag: Text editor pops Avaya phones FOREVER

RSA 2015 You could patch, but it probably won't help, PhD bloke says

Broadcom tops US$2 billion in March quarter

Plus, new ToR SoC for 100 Gbps era

Google vs. AWS race to the bottom detours into Super SSD Spring Sale

Low, low prices may not be quite the lure cloud companies hope they will be

Good news! Your job's not going to the Philippines

Bad news: outsourcers now prefer Vietnam and Bulgaria's booming

Citrix likes OpenStack, puts a cheap ring on it

Signs up as Corporate Sponsor and plans to join technical committees

IEEE chaps propose QoS for SDN across the public internet

Border Gateway Protocol can't do the job and we need something new for future WANs

Evil Wi-Fi kills iPhones, iPods in range – 'No iOS Zone' SSL bug revealed

RSA 2015 The fix? RUN AWAY!

TV networks peck at sun-bleached skeleton of Aereo, come away with $950,000

A pittance, but it's better nothing, right?

Google guru: Android doesn't have malware, it has Potentially Harmful Applications™ instead

RSA 2015 And who installs five AV apps on their mobes?

White House cyber-general says US must be able to cyber-nuke the worst of the cyber-worst

RSA 2015 Threaten America, and you'll regret it

Top US Democrats cry death to Comcast-Time Warner hyper-gobble

Six senators write letter to FCC and DoJ warning about costs and competition

RSA supremo rips 'failed' security industry a new backdoor, warns of 'super-mega hack'

RSA 2015 Walls and moats can't beat ladders and boats

OS X Yosemite still open to Rootpipe hijacking, says ex-NSA bod

Apple hasn't patched admin privilege backdoor in 10.10.3, it's claimed

Dead Steve Jobs' wage-fixing pact in Silicon Valley was news to us, claim Apple directors

Cupertino's top brass fend off lawsuit from shareholders

Google pulls plug on YouTube for older iPads, iPhones, smart TVs

'Try the built-in browser – that might work'

BEND OVER, boy! Twitter lockdown to give trolls and bullies a good LICKING

New abuse policies turn the ad platform into a classroom

VAMPIRE SQUID romps stun scientists: Unique sex lives revealed

Pic Talk about a motion in the ocean

Docker huddles under Linux patent-troll protection umbrella

OIN prepares to repel tedious fools' legal droplets

Android mobe biz OnePlus goes to the dogs - or maybe cats

Drops the need for an invitation, so just come along

Ad-blocking is LEGAL: German court says Ja to browser filters

French publishers shrug, consider their own case

Whee! IBM storage hardware revenues just keep sliding and sliding

Big Blue ready to splash the Big Bucks?

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