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OnePlus phone fanbois flock for a shiny phondle

Pics It's not just Apple crazies who'll queue around the block (and then some) for a glimpse of a new gadget

Bank vault

Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

Something for the Weekend, Sir? What I've got you've got to get it put it in you

Qnap TS-231+ dual bay NAS box

It's enough to get your back up: Eight dual-bay SOHO NAS boxes

Product Round-Up Desirable data doublers for home or office

Cash on scales. Pic: Images Money, Flickr

Stop forcing benefits down my throat and give me hard cash, dammit

Worstall @ the Weekend Maybe this gig economy means we need to redefine work?

Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

On-Call Aircon's down, servers frying … but COMPUTER SAYS 'NO'

Telstra's bush broadband boxes bugged, bashed, botted

Big T slings patch at man-in-the-middle diddle.

VMAX flashes its virtues for all to see

EMC runs stream and block storage benchmarks

Chrome extensions crocked with simple attack

Security-enhancer HTTPS Everywhere switched off with this one weird trick

Axis of evil: Facebook uses Google code to slash page load times

Booting JSON from Android client puts cat vids in front of you in even less time

China bans HPC and UAV exports, citing national security

In colossal co-incidence, eight-petaflop limit keeps China atop fastest supercomputer charts

Trans-Pacific Partnership negotiations stalled until November

Japan driven to distraction, US can't sweeten Oz, NZ drowning in a milk lake

Mt Gox's Mark Karpeles arrested in Japan

Police move on boss of collapsed Bitcoin exchange

You must remember: An archive isn't a thing, it's a strategy

Think of the future, edit the past

Windows 10 collects colossal 0.375 per cent market share in July

Steady as she goes for Windows XP, 7 and 8.1, but 8.0 and Vista are just about dead

BT Sport website AND app go TITSUP – footie fans weep

Sunday, Bloody Sunday for one-time state monopoly

Boffins: Spooky, spinning SPACE PEANUT butters up Earth with close flyby

Vid Odd asteroid won't come this near again for 40 years

Apple chief Cook cooks up rumours after BMW car talks, factory tour

Sometimes you get so lonely, sometimes you get nowhere

Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

On-Call Aircon's down, servers frying … but COMPUTER SAYS 'NO'

OnePlus phone fanbois flock for a shiny phondle

Pics It's not just Apple crazies who'll queue around the block (and then some) for a glimpse of a new gadget

It's enough to get your back up: Eight dual-bay SOHO NAS boxes

Product Round-Up Desirable data doublers for home or office

Stop forcing benefits down my throat and give me hard cash, dammit

Worstall @ the Weekend Maybe this gig economy means we need to redefine work?

'How can HP have a dress code if I'm wearing this wacky hat?'

QuoTW Plus: Wanna know who played Magnum PI? Don't dial Blighty's cops

Watch leggy ROBOT INSECT WALK on WATER before JUMPING OFF

Vid Artificial system replicates biological movement

New twist in telco giants' fight to destroy the FCC's net neutrality

Analysis Ditches First Amendment legal argument, tries another approach

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Bacon and egg sushi

You demanded more bacon, people, so here it is: domo arigato

The Q7: Audi’s big SUV goes from tosspot to tip-top

Vulture at the Wheel New high-end motor just better than the old. At everything

Gay emojis? GAY EMOJIS?! Not here in Russia, comrade

Bad Vlad mad over 'propaganda' pixels

Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

Something for the Weekend, Sir? What I've got you've got to get it put it in you

This hospital drug pump can be hacked over a network – and the US FDA is freaking out

Doctors told to stop using kit as open ports put patients at risk

Uber holds out hand, hails another $1bn – mostly from Microsoft

'Strategic' funding round said to be about 'partnerships'

Wait, STOP: Are you installing Windows 10 or RANSOMWARE?

This one will be an 'absolute bastard,' say security bods

It's Friday! Had a good week? It was probably better than Seagate's

Desktop drives, down. Notebook drives, down. Martinis to take away the pain, down

$100m fine? How about, er, $16k? AT&T teabags FCC with its giant balls

When 'unlimited' refers to a company's efforts to avoid liability

James Woods demands $10m from Twitter troll for 'coke addict' claim

Yes, making crap up on the internet has consequences

Bitdefender feeling a bit tender: Hackers enter anti-distemper vendor

Someone gulped unencrypted login info from security biz

No, Microsoft: Your one-billion Windows 10 goal is just sad ... really sad

Comment A victory worthy of a eulogy

Sick burn, LOSER! Nvidia recalls Shield gaming slabs over BLAZE RISK

Don’t keep taking the tablets, chip biz warns

Petrol cars are dead in the water, says Tesla CTO waving numbers on the back of an envelope

Analysis Battery prices will fall says battery-car maker

Oh Jeez, not now! Activist investor threatens Violin Memory

Nice board you got there, Mr DeNuccio. Be a shame if something happened to it

Windows 10 marks the end of 'pay once, use forever' software

Comment Welcome to Microsoft's pay-pay-pay plan

Blue Coat acquires the cloud-crypto monkeys at Perspecsys

Application of Cloud Access Security Broker features paramount, apparently

Don't want Windows 10 FILTH on the company network? Step this way

Master your domain – and kill it at source

How much of ONE YEAR's Californian energy use would WIPE OUT the DROUGHT?

Analysis What causes drought? Laziness

Interested in building 'community' Mr Corporation? Please swipe here

Feature Having a foundation doesn’t necessarily mean a great deal

ATTACK of the ZOMBIE SATELLITE: Run radio hams, run!

Knocked down, now up again, you just can't keep it down

El Reg touches down at the ESA's Spanish outpost, sniffs around

Pics Lab coats on, pipes at the ready for European Space Astronomy Centre tour

Magnet-wobble wireless charging system dishes out a respectable 10 kW

Ideal for heavy plant, but could be overkill for mobes

PagerDuty hacked ... and finally comes clean 21 days later. Cheers

Have a great SysAdmin Day everyone

Uber unleashes $1bn war chest to crack Indian market

Fiendish domination plans follow a billion big ones thrown at China

German spooks want to charge journalists with TREASON for publishing spy plans

Looking at you, Beckedahl and Meister

Crazy Canucks heat their lab with muahaha-capable server

Review Supermicro 2028GR-TRT quad GPU box

US spied on Japanese PM Abe, Mitsubishi, and so much more

WikiLeaks exposes blanket snooping on Asian powerhouse

Microsoft's Windows 10 Torrent-U-Like updates GULP DOWN your precious bandwidth

Who needs cloud when users can host downloads for you?

BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps

Episode 9 Read carefully before bursting in here like that

Daisy completes Phoenix IT gobble

Outfit marches on with £1bn revenue mid-market domination plan

Google to French data cops: Dot-com RTBF? Baiser ma DERRIERE

Maybe shouldn't have relied on Google Translate to check that one

UK's first 'DIY DAB' multiplex goes live in Brighton

Raspberry-powered stack thumbs nose at costly broadcast convention

Lying to customers, Unicom? Cough up £200k, do not pass Go

Firm has to smarten up its act if it wants to avoid another Ofcom thrashing

Missing in action: The OpenStackers lost from Gartner's quadrant

I see no ships ... or boxen, come to that

Think beyond the Beeb: Gov consultation is crucial for free telly

Breaking Fad Channelling some answers for Auntie

Open source Copyright Hub unveiled with '90+ projects' in the pipeline

An internet that didn't rip you off? Who'd want a thing like that?

Americans care more about EU data protection laws than the French

Fewer than 10 downloads for draft comparison app in France

Flash deserves to live, says Cisco security man

Adobe's scars make it ugly but tough. So tough it's being attacked more than ever

HP insists 'we don't have a global dress code' – while deleting one from its website

Head of HR films video response for El Reg

Comet 67/P CAKED in LIFE-GIVING RUBBLE, say astroboffins

Science papers from Philae lander's brief burst of work appear for first time

Buffoon in 999 call: 'Cat ate my bacon and I want to press charges'

West Yorkshire Police reveal their worst summer nuisance calls

Windows 10 clients come to Microsoft Virtual Machine Manager

Update rollups needn't spoil your Sysadmin Day unless you're hot for Windows 10 VDI

Borg patches enterprise ASR router DoS hole

Bad packets cause crashes.

Sri Lanka braves monsoon with Loon broadband balloons

Google scores whole-of-country deal for internet-over-windbags

Kim Dotcom to create Wikimedia-style open source Mega 3.0

If at first you aren't jailed for piracy, try, try again, this time funded by donations

Google sneaks out new clip-on tech goggles for saddo Glassholes

Smartglasses in possibly useful situation shocker

Unlock and start General Motors cars with a $100 box of tricks – hacker

Flap over crap OnStar app yak, all will be revealed at DEF CON yap

World's worst exploit kit now targeting point-of-sale systems

Eyes PoS vendors, web terminals.

Google, Oracle's endless Java copyright battle extended to ... 2016

Judge just doesn't have the time to hear their bickering

Apple gobbles chunk of CNET, ZDNet – report

iPhone giant to get comfy with CBS Interactive in San Francisco, apparently

Giant Facebook SOLAR LASER DRONE to FEED interwebs into YOUR FACE

Pics Aquila bird to zap globe with internet access, promises Zuck

Edge out rivals? No! Firefox boss BLASTS Microsoft's Windows 10 browser brouhaha

Mozilla's Beard gets in SatNad's grille over killing choice fears

FCC swamped by 2,000+ net neutrality complaints against ISPs

Avalanche of gripes could come in handy once someone figures how to enforce new rules

Alien dwarf 'star' flashes her dazzling brown rear at stunned space boffins

Video You won't see that headline in Nature

Oracle: Docker container tech will be in the Zone on Solaris

Larry's Unix to support cross-platform containers with unique Solaris features

Derelict TrueCrypt Russia portal 'is command hub for Ukraine spying op'

Backdoored code slung at officials, journos etc

Small number of computer-aided rifles could be hacked in contrived scenario

Year-long publicity effort hits bullseye ... in a way

Expansion-hungry Equinix posts bumper sales

Results for acquisition target Telecity look limp in comparison

Obama endorses 3D TLC flash. How else can you do exaflop computing?

Comment Disks in large enough numbers are volatile; they break...

Will the PC glory days ever return, WD asks as its finances slip

Disk units and revenues spin down as desktop market declines

Chinese hackers behind OPM megabreach also pwned United Airlines

Possibility of Beijing-sponsored triple hack makes industry sit-up, gulp, take notice

French dating sites spanked for laissez faire data protection

Data watchdog advises eager Gallic singles to say 'Non' to naked selfies

BT hands £129m back to UK.gov after beating rural broadband targets

Super generous state monopoly? Fat chance – it's in their contract

Strong ARM scoops up Sansa to boost IoT security

Chipmaker adds Israeli company's bolt-on protection to its bulging armoured sack

Microsoft Edge web browser: A well-presented mea culpa

Review Not perfect, but way better than IE – and it gives Chrome the willies

And on that bombshell: Top Gear's Clarkson to reappear on Amazon

Rejoice, petrolheads – team of boring old men back to act like prats again

Feeding the XPoint cuckoo and finding it a place in the storage nest

Intel/Micron tech looks to force its way into the memory storage spectrum

What can't sell Galaxy S6s and keeps going down on you? Samsung and its profits

Smartphone giant feeling mobe market saturation sqeeze, suffers after supply shortage

Download Fest goers were human guinea pigs in spy tech experiment, admit police

Mass surveillance exercise didn't catch a single criminal

UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

Think of the children! Wait. Er... DON'T think of the children

Never mind falling revenues, BT watchers, look at the footy offering

Consumer monies up, mostly off the back of price-hiked telly packages

This is TRUE science: Harvard boffins fire up sizzling BACON LASER

Pork experiment elicits baffled awe from fellow scientists

Wanted: beta testers for El Reg’s Android app

Let’s lose this ‘worst app in the world’ title

IARPA: Come, quantum computing boffins. We've got cash for you

Funds for 'logical qubit' development, no less

Contractors who used Employee Beneficiary Trusts are in HMRC's sights

Think you're alright because it was all over years ago? Nope

Beyond virty boxen and hyperconvergence: Regard the mighty data centres of the future

Riding that software-defined wave

The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

Antique Code Show Desktop gaming in every sense of the phrase

'Fix these Windows 10 Horrors': Readers turn their guns on Redmond

Mailbag Readership turns to Microsoft as one and asks 'what are you DOING?'

Google turns cookie monster on AdSense, DoubleClick clients

'Just do what the EU wants and no-one will get hurt' suggests Mountain View

SPUD – The IETF protocol Snowden loves but will never be used

Author Joe Hildebrand explains why a dead-end effort to reinvent networks isn't futile

Don't want pranksters 'bricking' your Android? Just stop using the internet, duh – Google

Video Thanks for the top tip, now where's the patch?

Rackspace cooking up security-secret-sharing cloud cabal

Top-tier clouds invited into information-sharing club to speed defence deployment

Octogenarian accused of performing sex act with a SHRUBBERY

SFW Possible inspiration for character of Roger the Shrubber revealed

Boffins get the inside dope, craft white laser

If this works, your light bulbs will deliver hundreds of gigabits per second

Bloke cuffed for blowing low-flying camera drone to bits with shotgun

Sharpshooter exercises Second Amendment rights

Critical BIND bug scores PATCH YESTERDAY grading

Easy to hack universal remote BIND DoS hole leaves DNS open to attack

China announces petascale super for FAST radiotelescope

Big dish will need top-100-sized iron

Cisco IOS-XE update time: Squash that DoS bug

Fixes how the daemon triggers error messages for packets it can't reassemble

Tired tablets don't tickle the imagination, so sales fall again

Market fragmenting as Apple and Samsung lose dominance, say new IDC numbers

NetApp sees IBM/Cisco VersaStack as 'huge' threat to FlexPod

Competitive intel docs leak to forums, reveal NetApp beaten by SolidFire for Cisco sale

Git a load of this: GitHub now valued at $2 billion

Investors pump yet more millions of dollars into online source-code silo

US to rethink hacker tool export rules after mass freakout in security land

Second draft of Wassenaar to take public comments under advisory

Start learning parallel programming and make these supercomputers sing, Prez Obama orders

If you want exascale toys, you gotta make 'em dance

Facebook is raking in so much filthy lucre, it can't spend it fast enough

What's it aiming for with all that R&D dosh?

Twitter will delete jokes after a DMCA takedown – but NOT my photos, fumes angry snapper

Shutterbug sues social network

So just WHO ARE the 15 per cent of Americans still not online?

Analysis Hint: Many of them look like this old fogey

Oh look – Office Mobile apps to go with your shiny Windows 10

But you'll need an Office 365 subscription to edit with them

Be wary of that Russian. He might HAMMERTOSS a software nasty at you

Crew's nationality revealed by strict adherence to Moscow office hours

Exploding 'laptop batt' IN SPAAACE! Speeding lithium spaffed by nova

Pic One step closer to cracking riddle of light metal's origins

Speaking in Tech: Google's snapped – it's gone native in the cloud

Podcast Meanwhile, HP ties its excessively casual developers down

How to quietly slurp sensitive data wirelessly from an air-gapped PC

One little catch: you need to infect the computer first

Yelp whelps yelp 'Help!' Chairman ejects, shares plunge 30%, losses grow

We'll give these financial figures one star out of five

Top German data cop slaps down Facebook's real name policy

Unser Feld, unsere Regeln. Verstanden?

Your voter-trolling autodialer is illegal: The cringey moment the FCC spanks a congresscritter

Lawmakers shocked to learn the rules apply to them too

Sysadmin Day 2015: Fun things to do – and prizes to win from El Reg

Sysadmin Blog Where the beer, food and gifts are on offer around the world and how to enter

Amazon comes up with delivery-drone zones after watching Fifth Element all night

Proposes 200-ft-thick layer of sky only for robot planes

CommVault mired in losses. Will activist investors move in?

New release of its flagship Simpana product just got way more important

Cloud busting: Alibaba pumps $1bn into Aliyun, hopes it will rain cash

Chinese tat bazaar ramps up anti-Amazon efforts in global cloud domination fight

Now listen, Gartner – virtualisation and containers ARE different

Comment Magic Quadrant starts to lose its sparkle

MIT boffins identify Tor hidden services with 88 per cent accuracy

For nothing is secret that shall not be made manifest

Peering closer at 3D XPoint memory: What are Intel, Micron up to?

Analysis A memory crossing point, yes – but a Rubicon?

Let's all binge on Blake’s 7 and help save the BBC ... from itself

Analysis Auntie shakes off pay TV shackles. Careful, someone might see

Italy: Human rights are so old hat. The future's in internet rights

Euro nation makes Declaration of Internet Rights, with caps and everything. Bless 'em

Capita cracks open the bubbly after 10 per cent sales jump

Frenchy rival Atos also celebrates big growth despite DWP contract boot

A third of workers admit they'd leak sensitive biz data for peanuts

And three per cent of employees would consider offers as low as £100

A hybrid upstart trying to sink its fangs into Docker: Apcera

Interview CEO talks to El Reg about peering inside those mystery containers

Sue us for Safari ad tracking? You'll be lucky, peons, cackles Google

Supreme Court appeal permission could let Chocolate Factory shut the floodgates

Windows 10: A SYSADMIN speaks his brains – and says MEH

Sysadmin blog Average Joe will be happy with it. So long as he hasn't used Windows 7

Mobiles? What are they? Nokia immerses itself in virtual reality cameras

Psst. Oculus. Google. Are you listening?

Microsoft admits critical .NET Framework 4.6 bug, issues workaround

F# developers asked to avoid it until a complete fix is ready

W3C's failed Do Not Track crusade tumbles to ad-blockers' Vietnam

Worst outcome ever for clueless online admen

Ofcom wants to ease the pain of switching mobile networks. Good luck

It may possibly encourage feckless disloyalty, who knows

Moshe's Infinidat happy to SHOUT about its progress

Enough of the cheesy comments from Le Grand Storage Fromage

MORE Windows 10 bugs! Too many Start menu apps BREAK it

Microsoft's 'working on a fix to this issue' – or you can go third party instead

Hurrah! Uber does work (in the broadest sense of the word) after all

Worstall on Wednesday Will we see a return of the Medallion Man?

Let kids delete their online rants, demand campaigners

Won't somebody please think of the children! (Adults are on their own)

Flippin' heck, meet the Internet of Things wallpaper

LEDs, pah! UK inventor cooks up cheap fabric alternative to giant displays

Researchers say Anthem health hack has Beijing's fingerprints

'Black Vine' gang, late of China, fingered as source of heist that lifted 70 million records

HP tops HPC charts, former Big Blue biz not so super

China still a top trend says IDC

How should you manage your network's traffic performance?

On Demand Getting the internet to demonstrate

Are you clever enough, and brave enough, to give a Register lecture

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