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'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

Walking sack of crap ordered to destroy all pics, too

What do China, FBI and UK have in common? All three want backdoors in Western technology

'I need your clothes, bootloaders and CPU cycles'

Google forced to - gasp! - OBEY the LAW with privacy policy tweaks

Ad broker agrees to tell you what it does with your privates

ARP Odyssey Korg reissue

Synths of the father: Making some noise at NAMM 2015

+Vids You don't know what it was like, man, you weren't there

Hey, America. Canada's watchdog just slapped net neutrality rules on wireless internet

Decision breaks down arbitrary divide between web and TV

QLogic hits all-flash bullseye, doubles profit

10% quarterly revenue rise – take that, market uncertainty

Teenager exposes WhatsApp profile pic privacy bug

That teddy bear icon was for friends' eyes only

Tesla boosts P85D acceleration – with SOFTWARE UPDATE

OK, grudgingly impressed – download upgrades inverter

Three to pleasure bumpkins with 800Mhz

Broadband boost before O2 craps all over it

Emulex ends seven-quarter run of losses

+Comment Posts $4.3m profits

Quantum of Suspicion: Despite another $29m, D-Wave doubts remain

What exactly is company offering?

Fujitsu slapped down in Land of the FALLING YEN

Homegrown demand wanes for mobes, PCs and network products

UK official LOSES Mark Duggan shooting discs IN THE POST

Nobody’s found a politically charged package have they?

Cash'n'Carrion January sale: Get in there while you can

Final week at 20% off across the board

Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

Tim Cook puts numbers on his world domination claim

Google forced to - gasp! - OBEY the LAW with privacy policy tweaks

Ad broker agrees to tell you what it does with your privates

Smartphones merge into homogeneous mass as 'flagship fatigue' bites

Latest handset? Punters say 'meh'. It's all about networks now, prays Three

Mobe-hungry BT's sales slip over Xmas amid EE buyout silence

Firm can't ignore £7bn pensions deficit much longer

Whee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

If it works it'll go nationwide, says telco's top dog

Oracle is BETTER at cloud than everyone else so NER, shouts Hurd (no Katz)

Laser focus on self embiggenment, says co-chief

Undead nights: Zombie FPS Dying Light shines bright

Game Theory Dead Island all grown up and covered in putrefying flesh

Sky sidles up to O2, whispers: 'Fancy a little FOUR-PLAY?'

It's been a long time coming *fnarr fnarr*

Synths of the father: Making some noise at NAMM 2015

+Vids You don't know what it was like, man, you weren't there

UK watchdog grills big biz: So HOW do you use their 'consumer data'?

Slurp it, trade it, sell it, swap it?

HP: We're gonna book $1bn worth of Server 2003 sales THIS WEEK

A month's worth of activity in seven days? Good luck, says analyst

Outlook for iOS does security STUPIDLY, says dev

Creds stored in cloud, delete button busted

Alibaba's magic cave empties as it misses revenue target

Denies claims its stock comes from 40 thieves

EMC grows new 'Enterprise Content Division'

Yet another attempt to make Documentum sexy

Wham, bam... premium rate scam: Grindr users hit with fun-killing charges

Dating app makers blame rogue ad

Quantum adds cloud tier to StorNext

It’s JAT – Just Another Tier

A docket, tweet and selfie can reveal your identity, boffins find

Spanners thrown at metadata privacy wagon

OH HAPPY DAY! Lawyers replaced by AI

Google also outsmarted by friendly machine pals

Reddit: Don't worry, we didn't tell that foreign government about your /r/brony addiction

Uncle Sam on the other hand ... Data demands by feds revealed

Hey, America. Canada's watchdog just slapped net neutrality rules on wireless internet

Decision breaks down arbitrary divide between web and TV

We take bots down, but they get up again – you're never going to keep them down

Dell analysis shows ZeroAccess botnet still slinging out

iTunes Connect does developer shuffle

Amazon, flush with cash, says it will let you peek inside AWS' pants

Plans to break out numbers for cloud biz for first time this year

Google's latest letdown: Simply not enough billions since October

Revenue and income miss their marks amid rising costs

'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

Walking sack of crap ordered to destroy all pics, too

Mobile broadband giants blow $45bn on Uncle Sam's finest air

FCC closes spectrum auction with four-times more dosh than it had dreamed of

YOU COMPLETE ME: Google and VMware in cloudy embrace

Web giant's best bits to fill VMware's online void

Microsoft 'showers gold' on anti-Google Cyanogen and its Android alternative

Redmond part of $70m funding round, say sources

Kill Facebook's creepy on-by-default Yelp 'killer' Place Tips – your guide

New 'feature' touts nearby biz and reviews

FCC sexes up, er, sextuples 'broadband' speed to 25Mbps in US

Minimum downlink rate up from 'dated and inadequate' 4Mbps

What do China, FBI and UK have in common? All three want backdoors in Western technology

'I need your clothes, bootloaders and CPU cycles'

'LOOK into my EYES: You are feeling very worried about the climate ... SO worried'

Comment Psychohistory prof Pidgeon strikes again

NXP flings sueball at Marvell over Xbox NFC chips

IP lawfare takes on new dimension – but for why?

EMC reports mixed results, fingers axe: 'Reduction in force' planned

+Comment SEC filing didn't reveal how many were for the chop

Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

Review Unpicking the past is a messy business for Microsoft

Microsoft Outlook comes to iOS, Android: MS email now a bit less painful on mobile

... Unless you're on Windows Phone

Snowden reveals LEVITATION technique of Canada’s spies

If you MUST build naughty spy tool... it's, er, pretty sweet

Cloud storage upstart boasts of swollen biz, hires the CFO who sold Archivas

Comment Looking to go to IPO, Nasuni?

Strap on fitness finesse: Withings Activité Pop

Review Oh, and it tells the time too

BITE that APPLE if you want to escape the Android garden, Microsoft

Analysis Pick a winner in Apple-Samsung sales see-saw

CommVault CEO: Quick, throw me some more sales reps

Plummeting profits problem prevails for the data company

Supersonic Bloodhound car techies in screaming 650mph comms test

HD video at Mach 1+? No biggie, say cool-cat engineers

IBM punts cryptotastic cloudy ID verification services

Foil identity thieves – put your data on a giant floating target

Citrix: Hmmm, profit down 30%? Right. 900 HEADS WILL ROLL

Virtualisation biz axing workers, certain leases and products

Shouty investor Elliott looms over software veteran Informatica

+Comment Activists to the left, big data the right

Revenues dip at CGI Group: It was Obamacare that did it

Last year's contract win, that is. Profits are up, though

'YOUTUBE is EVIL': Somebody had a tape running, Google...

Analysis Cellist Zoë Keating strikes back with YouTube transcript

Powering the Internet of Stuff – by sucking electricity from TREES

Feature Where are my generating wellies?

Your gran and her cronies are 'embracing online banking' – study

Really? Even 100-year-olds, claim clipboard wielders

SamSUNK! Korean giant's electronics biz takes punch to the smartphone profits

Samsung's phone business takes an even nastier dive

Top smut site Flashes visitors, leaves behind nasty virus

Malvertising hits xHamster thanks to recent Adobe 0-day

How's this for customer service: Comcast calls bloke an A**HOLE – and even puts it in print

All because his wife asked to cancel their TV package

ZX81 BEATEN at last as dev claims smallest Chess code crown

Boot Chess needs just 512 bytes of memory, beating 1982's 1K ZX Chess

Does Big Tech hire white boys ahead of more skilled black people and/or women?

Worstall on Weds (on Thurs) If it did - opportunity!

Windows 10 heralds the MINECRAFT-isation of Microsoft

Redmond is building a stack of visualisation tools for the generation that grew up with clickable everything

Charles Townes, inventor of the laser and friend to both science and religion, dies

Obituary Coherent light, coherent thinking

Mozilla dusts off old servers, lights up Tor relays

Worst outcome means 50 percent capacity hit

Big Switch pitches third fabric iteration in six months

Adds network analytics, VMWare support

Microsoft's Ignite gabfest includes just ONE session about Windows Server

Devices and clouds in the spotlight, Servers nowhere to be seen for now

Trans-Pacific trade treaty close to signoff says USA

Japan offers America a side of rice, but nasty copyright provisions remain

Cisco says GHOST is more Casper than Sleepy Hollow

Borg exorcised GHOST years ago when it sent IPv4 to the nether realms

FCC will vote to cut off 41 million broadband users this Thursday*

* This headline brought to you by the cable companies

Who's afraid of a virtual switch? Not big bad Brocade

Vyatta now available on free trial license, routers get port crypto

Facebook's mobile ad bonanza brought it record returns in 2014

Social network Zucked up more cash than ever

Facebook kills pic of Mohammed weeks after Zuck's Je suis Charlie!

Don't harm the profit, I mean, prophet. No, wait, profit

Amazon's new WorkMail for enterprise: Another Fire dud – or a Kindle?

If there's one thing we all really need, it's another enterprise mail service, right Exchange?

Qualcomm Snapdragon 810 CPU dumped from flagship smartphone

While China woes rumble on: Watchdog on one hand, deadbeat partners on the other

Man trousers $15,000 domain name for $10.99 amid registry cockup

Nice little earner once he flogs it – before everyone gets real tired of gTLDs

Bill Gates – I WISH I was like Zuck and spoke Chinese. Yep, I drink poo

Je suis Charlie? Je suis imbécile

IBM jobs axe: 'The cuts have STARTED and are spreading' sigh staff

Here comes Ginni Rometty to chop off your head

Listen up, AT&T, this could be YOU NEXT: $40m sting for throttling 'unlimited' mobile data

TracFone has to give peeps what it advertised – whoa

Let's be clear, everyone: DON'T BLOCK Wi-Fi, DUH – FCC official ruling

We're jammin' and I hope this jam is gonna last ... NOPE!

Docker unveils new top team to look after enlarged container biz

Hykes trio in expanded roles

Friends, Canadians, countrymen: Would you buy a GOLD PLATED BlackBerry Passport?

Review It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that bling

The new Falcon Heavy: MOST POWERFUL ROCKET since the Apollo moonshots

OK we're a bit late, have some CGI while you wait - SpaceX

Juniper in the red as product biz bleeds sales in 'challenging' Q4

CEO Rahim: 'we are moving with urgency'

Speaking in Tech: FREE Win 10 upgrade 'NOT really a big deal'

Podcast Plus: IBM rep says layoff rumours are 'STUPID'

Veritas is home. Symantec’s storage split-off adopts old name

Moniker re-emergence the final unravelling of a doomed deal

A year with Canada's Volvo-esque smartphone – The BlackBerry Z30

Comment It's a phone! It texts! It calls! It surfs the web. OK, it's rather nice

GoDaddy in doghouse over puppy-flogging Super Bowl ad

Domain giant: You'll still see us in the Big Game

Scouts take down database due to 'security vulnerabilities'

Full security audit for Compass database

Spinning rust into gold: WD profit grows ... though sales dip

+Comment Rival Seagate being outsold by Milligan’s Mob

I ain't afraid of no GHOST – securo-bods

Serious – but it's no Heartbleed

Spartan on Windows 7? Microsoft is 'watching demand'

Extensions plan coming

Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

Offensive word 'bulldyke' still being served up by ad giant

Virtual Vulture 2 swoops into Spaceport America

Vid Spaceplane lands itself, in hot hardware-in-the-loop sim

Cluster-grappling kids clash: Battle of the Big Iron in the Big Easy

HPC Blog Bring your HPC weapons to the Mississippi

NexGen polishes guns, prepares to face hybrid array legions

Analysis State of independence brought revenues

X-IO fights global hybrid warming, keeps ISE age going

Gen 3 overhaul and superfast new top end

Five years of Sun software under Oracle: Were the critics right?

Oracle-Sun anniversary They said Java, MySQL and Solaris were all doomed

Care.data refuseniks will be DENIED CANCER SCREENING invites

Exclusive Your privacy or your life. Pick one, says omnishambolic NHS project

Win Sun, lose Sun: How Larry's bet on old-world systems hurt Oracle

Oracle-Sun anniversary AWS and Salesforce match up to Ellison's hardware

I'll get my coat – there's a dusty one flying off Comet 67P

Rosetta analyses dust jacket around everyone's favourite comet

Regin super-malware has Five Eyes fingerprints all over it says Kaspersky

Keylogger plugin built on source code known to come from spookhauses

Sleepy Ofcom glances at Internet of Things, rolls over, takes nap

UK watchdog prepares 37 pages of nothing

EE squashes Orange UK: France Telecom's been 'destroying it for years'

Kumquat may, fruits of BT merger won’t include Moss' baby

YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

HTML5 <video> tag will henceforth shift video whenever possible

Fanbois to gamebois: Apple paperwork reveals iOS FUNPAD

Hey, Nintendo – look here. No, here, not at this patent. Don't want to make you cry

Boffin finds formula for four-year-five-nines disk arrays

Build arrays with spare disks - LOTS of 'em - it's cheaper than fixing drives

US looks at plan to hand over world's DNS – and screams blue murder

Assistant Commerce Secretary starts playing Twenty Questions over IANA power shift

VMware cracks US$6bn for the year, says SaaS will slow growth

New businesses are doing well, but cloudy cash comes in spurts

Australian spookhaus ASIO could retain private data FOREVER

Intelligence oversight chief points out omission in metadata retention bill

Horrifying iPhone sales bring Apple $18bn profit A QUARTER

Cook: Don't panic, Apple fans, I will FILL the ACHING VOID inside you in April

Passing asteroid MOONS the HUMAN RACE

BL86 buzz-by revealed a travelling companion

Excitement in boffinry circles as GIGANTIC ALIEN RING BLOTS OUT SUN

Pics Faraway sun J1407b, but you get the idea

'Boozed up' US drone spook CRASHED UFO into US White House

Geospatial intelligence man said to have fallen asleep at the wireless wheel

Yahoo's! Mayer!: We'll! spin! off! $40bn! Alibaba! stake! and! pay! ZERO! tax! on! it! Ha!

Y! says 'close, sesame' to its lucrative slice – but where will its profits come from now?

Google reveals where AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner Cable will next offer Gbps broadband

Fresh cable-laying for telcos to sniff out

'Super-secure' BlackPhone pwned by super-silly txt msg bug

Exclusive People always talk about your reputation ... Just be good to free()

FUMBLE! NFL app drops privacy ball just before Super Bowl Sunday

Leaks personal data faster than a lineman's brain

BOO! Grave remote-code exec flaw in GNU C Library TERRIFIES Linux

When there's something strange in your gethostbyname, who y'gonna call? Ghostbusters

FTC to Internet of Stuff: Security, motherf****r, do you speak it?

No new laws yet – emphasis on the word yet

Another day, yet another emergency Adobe Flash patch. Because that's how we live now

Update your plugin now before someone pwns your PC

Wall St wolves tear chunk off Microsoft: There goes $30bn!

Quick, pass the HoloLens

Twitter ATTENTION SEEKERS can now blab to each other IN PRIVATE

Profit-lite firm to flood network with 30-second video ads

PwC: Forget margin, tech biz, HUSTLE for that SALE

Also, you could be sold for parts. Sorry.

NetApp embiggens E-Series flashbox: Gee, a benchmark... thanks

Doubles speed and capacity

Anonymous: Snap on that Guy Fawkes mask, we're marching against child sex abuse

'Member when we took on Scientology with #Chanology?

Post-modem Ericsson wobbles thanks to flat sales and falling profits

Trouble at t'mill as scandal-hit board member steps down

HMRC fails to plan for £10.4bn contract exit... because it's 'too risky'

Small matter of £500bn down the drain if it goes titsup – MPs

Switch it off and on again: How peers failed to sneak Snoopers' Charter into terror bill

Analysis Lord 'I am not a tweeter' King fears Snapchat jihadists

What's that, Microsoft? Yep, a Lumia and Surface SALES BOOM

But are you making money?

Keylogger: Somebody STOP ME! Oh hang on, I just did

We use 'dark arts' knowledge for good - says company man

Facebook: Oi, Lizard Squad – we can take down our own site, ta

#OMG #Allourownfault #doh! #facebookdown

Opera Jon weaves a brand new browser

And strangely, it looks a lot like Opera

Want to win Microsoft's cloudy love? Just spend $500

Partners: Take sky bridge to cloud conference and pucker up

The firm that swallowed the Sun: Is Oracle happy as Larry with hardware and systems?

Oracle-Sun anniversary One swallow didn't make a summer

Snoopers' Charter amendments withdrawn – FOR NOW ...

Battle won, yet the 'peeping powers' war rages on

Euro mobile standards chiefs eye tiny beauty: It's the KEY to 5G

Millimetre wave spectrum

There's life after Oracle, but very little left in Oracle's reseller channel

Oracle-Sun anniversary Five years on, what did Larry's lot do to Sun's partner network?

Apple patch shields Macs from Thunderstrike

But attack vector may stay open for next evil maid

Jellybean upgrade too hard for Choc Factory, but not for YOU

Patching WebKit would be unsafe, Google tells 960 million users

INTERNET of STUFF: Google to replace old Dropcams for $0.00

Good news: free upgrade! Odd news: reason for upgrade is back-end upgrade

Humanity can defeat SkyNet with BOOKS, says IT think tank

If CompSci kiddies read Neal Stephenson and Dave Eggers, our species will endure

Facebook, Instagram, Tinder TITSUP*: HOW did anyone even find out?

Updated *Total Inability To Support Uninteresting People

Photons link arms on chip to hasten march of quantum crypto

Cheap, fast, entangled photons for fun and profit

P0wning for the fjords: Malware turns drones into DEAD PARROT

Parrot AR drones susceptible to flying firmware footling

HP reveals which execs have a chair once the splitting music stops

Whitman and Weiseler confirmed as heads of Enterprise and HP Inc.

Some Androids can be HOSED by WiFi Direct vuln

Google intransigence or publicity vuln?

IBM details PowerPC microserver aimed at square kilometre array

Fedora fires up on Freescale T4240-powered dense and frugal server

Linux chaps want to recycle your mobe as a supercomputer

Slot your old smartphone into this chassis and let penguins pick its brains

Secret Service on alert after drone CRASHES into White House

Red-faced government employee owns up