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What's that, Microsoft? Yep, a Lumia and Surface SALES BOOM

But are you making money?

Keylogger: Somebody STOP ME! Oh hang on, I just did

We use 'dark arts' knowledge for good - says company man

Facebook pours cold water on Lizard Squad: Takedown? YOU WISH!

OMG #facebookdown: #Blizzard‬? North Korea? PRISM?

Cash'n'Carrion January sale: Get in there while you can

Final week at 20% off across the board

Opera Jon weaves a brand new browser

And strangely, it looks a lot like Opera

Want to win Microsoft's cloudy love? Just spend $500

Partners: Take sky bridge to cloud conference and pucker up

The firm that swallowed the Sun: Is Oracle happy as Larry with hardware and systems?

Oracle-Sun anniversary One swallow didn't make a summer

Snoopers' Charter amendments withdrawn – FOR NOW ...

Battle won, yet the 'peeping powers' war rages on

Euro mobile standards chiefs eye tiny beauty: It's the KEY to 5G

Millimetre wave spectrum

There's life after Oracle, but very little left in Oracle's reseller channel

Oracle-Sun anniversary Five years on, what did Larry's lot do to Sun's partner network?

Apple patch shields Macs from Thunderstrike

But attack vector may stay open for next evil maid

Jellybean upgrade too hard for Choc Factory, but not for YOU

Patching WebKit would be unsafe, Google tells 960 million users

INTERNET of STUFF: Google to replace old Dropcams for $0.00

Good news: free upgrade! Odd news: reason for upgrade is back-end upgrade

Humanity can defeat SkyNet with BOOKS, says IT think tank

If CompSci kiddies read Neal Stephenson and Dave Eggers, our species will endure

Facebook, Instagram, Tinder TITSUP*: HOW did anyone even FIND OUT?

Updated *Total Inability To Support Uninteresting People

Photons link arms on chip to hasten march of quantum crypto

Cheap, fast, entangled photons for fun and profit

P0wning for the fjords: Malware turns drones into DEAD PARROT

Parrot AR drones susceptible to flying firmware footling

HP reveals which execs have a chair once the splitting music stops

Whitman and Weiseler confirmed as heads of Enterprise and HP Inc.

Some Androids can be HOSED by WiFi Direct vuln

Google intransigence or publicity vuln?

IBM details PowerPC microserver aimed at square kilometre array

Fedora fires up on Freescale T4240-powered dense and frugal server

Linux chaps want to recycle your mobe as a supercomputer

Slot your old smartphone into this chassis and let penguins pick its brains

Secret Service on alert after drone CRASHES into White House

Red-faced government employee owns up

VDI is heading for a minor DAAS-aster

Desktop-as-a-service is getting good, fast, and can already replace some virtual desktops

Wikileaks: We DO NOT approve of OUR secret stuff being LEAKED

And we really don't approve of not being told about it

Microsoft brings the SUNSHINE - but it's a CLOUDY DAY

Stock market not feeling Redmond's way

Charlotte, NC thinks it has won the Google Fiber lottery

Meanwhile, San Francisco stares at loading screens

NASA greenlights SpaceX and Boeing to carry crew to ISS in 2017

Russians can stick their Soyuz, we can do it for less, say Yanks

ICANN CEO criticizes domain 'hoggers'

But just who's eating at the trough?

Great Firewall of China blasts DDoS attacks at random IP addresses

Upgrade to system causing bizarre traffic spikes

Nexus 6 would have had a fingerprint reader, but Apple RUINED IT ALL

Motorola ex-CEO says Cupertino killed off its partner

NSA gunning for Google, wants cop-spotting dropped from Waze app

Not that NSA, the other one

Cubans defy government's home internet ban with secret home-made network

Tech for the unconnected

Seagate belches, chomps down another greenback burger

Storage biz's margins slowly but steadily embiggen

Brits need chutzpah to copy Israeli cyberspies' tech creche – ex-spooks

Feature GCHQ needs culture change first

IBM to cut '118k jobs worldwide' – report claims

Updated No comment from Big Blue or our sources, though

Analyse THIS: Facebook alumni upstart Interana inhales MORE cash

+Comment Self-service data discovery analytics explosion

Symantec sources claim exec teams in place by April Fools' Day

Have you heard the one about the Veritas brand being dug up?

Ex-G-Cloud bigwig Chant weighs in on GDS' framework rebrand

But, but... we won 'hearts and minds'

A Bombe Called Christopher, or A Very Poor Imitation

Stob Verity publishes the real script of Turing biopic The Imitation Game

Brightstar deal means Post Office mobile network could be a thing

A dozen stamps, some parcel tape and a new SIM, please

EMC: Kerr-ching! $430m XtremIO gulp's paying off... Hello, $1bn a year

Record-breaker will get software upgrade soon

Lizard Squad threatens Malaysia Airlines with data dump: We DID TOO hack your site

Carrier: PLEASE. It was just a defacement, skiddies...

Welcome to Spartan, Microsoft's persuasive argument for... Chrome

Change as constant in Redmond's browser strategy

Shareholders pen outraged letter about Ellison's bulging package

Plus the Board never pays attention to us, SEC told

Right, we've bagged IBM’s X86 server biz... now what? – Lenovo

Firm mulls storage market, penetrates EMC VSPEX

Hoaxer posing as GCHQ boss prank-calls PM Cameron

Hey guys! Who is this chap? LOL

Dark Fibre: Reg man plunges into London's sewers to see how pipe is laid

Deep Dive We'll let him back in the office at some point

Official: Whiteboxer Super Micro is a $2bn server company

+Comment First $500 million quarter

Should Google play carriers at their own game? There's never been a better time

Analysis MVN... Oh yes

What gets the internet REALLY excited? Kittens? No. EXPLODING Kittens

Sysadmin Blog OMG what have we DONE?

BOT AN ABOMINATION: Mechanical DRONE VAMPIRE spreads wings

Vid Swiss govt unleashes DALER

'One day, YOU won't be able to SENSE the INTERNET,' vows Schmidt

Translation: GOOGLE will be EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES

Oi, Aussie sports fans! Take that selfie stick and stick it

Tennis and cycling events give Narcissism the flick

FROSTY MISTRESS of the Outer System: Pluto yields to probe snapper

Navigational images will help boffins home in on icy body

Game over? Sony FINALLY offers compensation to MEELLIONS of PSN hack victims

Free goodies dished out in U.S.

'People ACTUALLY CONFUSE Facebook and the internet in some places'

QuotW Plus: UK.gov brags about 'successful' ID scheme

Ex Machina – a smart, suspenseful satire of our technology gods

Film review Garland's riveting thriller takes fresh look at AI

Landlines: The tech that just won't die

Feature Do we have any choice about paying for home phone numbers?

Thailand: 'The nail that sticks up gets hammered down'

The eXpat Files Asbestos innards and a stomach for gov repression required

Uber isn't limited by the taxi market: It's limited by the Electronic Thumb market

Worstall @ the Weekend With apologies to Douglas Adams*

SUPERHANDS! Fossils of early human ancestors reveal a GRIPPING development

Hominin species had sturdy thumb and palm action

Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

ISPs warn Parliament to reject proposed amendments

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Chickpea stew à la Bureau des Projets Spéciaux

Notre own ripsnorting ragout recipe – avec pork, naturellement

Chunky Swedish ice maiden: Volvo XC60 D4 Manual EE Lux Nav

Vulture at the Wheel She's a big old unit and no mistake

'Linus Torvalds is UNFIT for the WORKPLACE!' And you've given the world what, exactly?

CoTW Plus: You're not getting the 'rate article' button back

Broadmoor: My Journey Into Hell, The Chimes and Cowboys and Indies

Page File Memoirs of a bad mad lag, dystopian debut and record biz retrospective

YOU. Your women are mine. Give them to me. I want to sell them

Something for the Weekend, Sir? YouTube's copyright killjoy bots amok

Hibernating NetMundial rattles internet governance world at Davos

Launch dumped, but ICANN boss stirs pot at elite conf

SpaceX makes nice with U.S. Air Force, gets shot at black ops launches

Company drops sueball, will be able to shoot spy sats

ATTACK of the FLYING MOUNTAIN: 2004 BL86 goes by like a BULLET

Biggest traveling rock visitor until 2027

Google offers cloudy port for Docker container images

Park your images on the same storage your app uses

Dot-com is dead. Long live dot-com

Reports of domain king's death greatly exaggerated

China 'upgrades' Great Firewall. Oh SNAP! There goes VPN access

Censorship tools boost as users scramble for workarounds

Planning to upgrade your Lumia to Windows 10? NOT SO FAST

Microsoft now says 'not every phone' will make the transition

Someone paid $85,000 for hated GLITTER BOMB FACTORY

Viral site fetches gonzo sale price in auction

SURPRISE! Microsoft pops open Windows 10 Preview build early

No need to wait until next week, after all

Atlas unplugged! DARPA's unTerminator robot cuts the power cable

Google's new humanoid machine also comes with a kill-switch

ICANN orders re-evaluation of dot-gay

But it may still not be gay enough

Apple's Beats, Google, and Sony hammered with unpaid royalty claim

Firm wants fees for golden oldies

YouTube: Nobody needs to get hurt Zoe, just sign the Ts&Cs

+Comment Cellist Keating not keen to play by Google’s rules

Why so tax-shy, big tech firms? – Bank of England governor

Carney concerned over Rise of the machines, too

Then there were 3: Another UK mobile network borged ...

Analysis ... and what it all means for speed, coverage and phone masts

Microsoft: We bought Skype. We make mobiles.. Oh, HANG ON!

Analysis EUREKA! We should put the two together

Doomsday Clock says 3 MINUTES to MIDNIGHT. Again

+Comment A bit of a wind-up?

Panicked teen hanged himself after receiving ransomware scam email

Autistic student 'probably didn't understand', court hears

Kaminario swallows $15m – ONE MONTH after last cash gulp

Comment Upstarts get fatter but there's only room for so many

All-flash case rehash: Modus vs Nimbus lawyers off to DC

Venue moved from California

Snoopy Fujitsu tech KNOWS you'll click that link – before YOU do

Creepware: You're a click-happy dope, aren't 'cha?

What was Tim Cook worth to Apple in 2014? $9 MILLION, apparently

CEO handed bulging package after 'extraordinary' year

Developers, developers, developers! But WILL they support Windows 10?

Analysis HoloLens is sexy, but Microsoft faces a battle to win devs' hearts and minds

Leaked doc: Europe's justice chiefs forming plans to cosy up to ISPs

Yeah, and bring back PNR! Think of the terrorists...

UK Scouts database 'flaws' raise concerns

Updated System holds records of ALL scouts in the country

Gov.UK inhaled G-Cloud, spat out framework – ex-lead claims

Original team member claims there are 'vision' problems

Sony blames NORK The Interview cyber strike for delayed Q3 report

Offline finance and accounting systems not back until mid-Feb

Top US privacy bod: EU should STOP appeasing whiny consumers

Ding ding ding: Round 94 of the EU vs the US on privacy

Telefónica to offload O2 to Three daddy Hutchison for £10.25bn

Talks reported last week, confirmed on Friday

Seagate's spinning rust most likely to crash, claims backup biz

PLEASE! They're using consumer drives in enterprise gear, says firm

Symantec data centre security software has security holes

Stop face-palming and start patching - the fixes are out there

Never mind those touch apps, full Office 2016 is coming this year

Both Windows and OS X to get desktop suite revamps in 2015

SPACE the FINAL FRONTIER: These are the images of COMET PROBE ROSETTA

Craft reveals 'goosebumps', dunes and other features

Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

May prove fatal, if we throw Pearl Harbor into the mix

Adobe finds, patches ANOTHER exploited Flash 0day

One down, one to go.

Shipping News: Docker 1.5rc1 arrives in port … NOW!

Get testing devs, you've got less than two weeks before this goes live

KimDotCom flails desperately, launches chat service

Rotund robberbarron moves forward with defense measure

FBI-baiter Barrett Brown gets five years in chokey plus $890,000 fine

Hack welcomes free food and chance to report on penal system

Google splashes $80k on Chrome 40 bug splatting

17 critical fixes patched

Oh what a tangled cloud we weave

AWS sneaks Windows VMs out the back door as Rackspace offers vCloud Air alternative

Beam me up, Scotty, And VAPORIZE me in the process

3D fax machine destroys as it creates

Swots explain how to swat CPU SNITCHES

Side-channel attacks are real because CPU leakage reveals instructions being executed

Verizon posts WANTED poster for copper rustlers

Them varmints is putting innocent lives in danger …

Amazon gobbles chips firm Annapurna to speed up cloudy data centers

Stealth firm could solve networking costs conundrum for AWS

Hola HoloLens: Reg man gets face time with Microsoft's holographic headset

First look Redmond's image projection kit with Kinect tech built in

Google signs up Sprint and T-Mobile to sell its cellphone plans – report

Chocolate Factory wants its fingers on your phone

Is Windows RT not invited to the Windows 10 upgrade party?

Redmond says ARM-based OS to get just 'some of the functionality'

FCC Commissioner argues for delaying February net neutrality ruling

Let's wait to see how badly Congress does first

FORCE Apple to support BlackBerry hardware, demands John Chen

Net neutrality bandwagon, meet spasming mobe-maker

HDS embiggens its object array by feeding it more spinning rust

Gets erasure coding as well

Lies, damn lies and Wikipedia: Murder suspect NOT a Plaxo founder – ex-staffer

Cite unseen: Indy, Daily Mail, TechCrunch in 'research' fail

Dell director Poskett leaves Dell for new role at … Dell

Luckily, he’ll still be ‘leveraging his extensive experience’. Phew

Netlist and Diablo set for legal jaw-jaw, not a war-war

Flash tech dispute could be settled in a matter of weeks

LEAKED: Samsung's iPHONE 6 KILLER... the Samsung Galaxy S6

If leaks are real, Apple is in trouble

Big Blue weeps as another 8% slips off its storage scales

Comment IBM's still swimming in billions of dollars, mind

LEAKED Qualcomm processors reveal sexy new specs

Unlikely to be available for months and months however

Nimble CEO lifts lid on sales veep saga. It ain't pretty

Mann down

Free Windows 10 could mean the END for Microsoft and the PC biz

Analysis Satya Nadella's great price-slash gamble

ULLtraDIMM dam plus inventory oops smacks SanDisk’s Q4 growth

+Comment Customer departure didn't help either

Oz father and son team plan suborbital spaceplane

'ThunderStruck' – going supersonic soon in a stratosphere near you

FIVE Things (NOT 10: these are REAL) from the WINDOWS 10 event

Analysis Microsoft Operation Relevance – how’s it doing?

Tat bazaar eBay confirms: THOUSANDS of workers will be AXED

Mulling over sales, flotation of enterprise arm as losses mount

2015: The year of MAD TV science, but who can keep up?

Breaking Fad Blizzard of buzzwords foreshadow epic changes to TV tech

2015 and IBM: But it wasn't supposed to be like this...

Big Blue's lost year

EE data network goes TITSUP* after mystery firewall problem

Updated Nothing Nowhere for thousands of angry paying customers

Brain-train kid game settles with FTC over 'unsupported' claims

Edu-app peddler will be watched closely, says watchdog

Open-source Java pals Groovy and Grails seek moneybags backer

Pivotal's pulled out

Netadmin wanted for 'terrible, terrible, awful job nobody wants'

Or perhaps a gig as a 'begrudging yet proficient' security bod is your thing?

Your anonymous code contributions probably aren't: boffins

Coders are creatures of easily-identifiable habit

Big software players talking common microservices definitions

VMware plans 'stack' for componentised apps

Drinking to forget? OK. But first, eat a curry... QUICK!

Turmeric-derived substance could 'SPOTLESS MIND' you

4Chan man Moot logs off as admin for last time

So long and thanks for all the GOATSE

Flash zero day under attack

Most popular exploit kit smashing IE users, but Chrome safe

How do you solve a problem like Willowra?

Wanted: vibration-tolerant, carry-on network swiss army knife

RHEL on VCE is ESA's new tech launchpad

Space agency now orbiting new private cloud

Remote code execution vulns hit Atlassian kit

Patch this! And this! And this! And this!

Google spent record cash lobbying Congress in 2014 – report

... as did Apple, Amazon, and Facebook

Australian traffic lights need better security says auditor-general

Poor passwords, proprietary code ... what could possibly go - CRASH! - wrong?

US military finds F-35 software is a buggy mess

Tests jettisoned to protect schedule

Turn your head and cough (up your details), HealthCare.Gov has sprung a leak!

Medical info left open to unscrupulous advertisers

Net neutrality bunfight heads to Congress, with predictable results

Washington jostles with broadband rules

Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

Analysis Cortana, Spartan, Xbox, DirectX 12 – oh my

Oracle opens Uncle Larry's cut-price bit barn emporium

Weary of price vs. performance arguments, Big Red undercuts everyone

Snowden SLAMS iPhone, claims 'special software' tracks users

Or at least his lawyer did ... in an interview with state media ... hmm